A Moment With The Next Senator From New Jersey
Via The Daily Show, Rep. Andy Kim (D) is on a mission to restore faith in government...by actually taking seriously the governing part:
Happy Wednesday.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 8, 2024
Note: Oh. Ohhhhhhhh, okay. “To get to the other side.” I get it now. Ha ha.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til International Nurses Day: 4
Days 'til the West Virginia Strawberry Festival in Buckhannon: 3
Number of times Trump has violated his gag order without going to jail: 10
Drop in Starbucks sales during the first quarter, prompting the company to take the extraordinary step of focusing on coffee again: -2%
Percent chance that Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) says he's feeling excellent and will run for another term: 100%
Years King Charles III has been ruling Britannia as of this week: 1
Age of British actor Bernard Hill (the captain in Titanic and Theoden in the Lord of the Rings trilogy) when he died over the weekend: 79
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 4 plagues and 1 massive MyPillow prayer). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Another day, another job site…
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CHEERS to an itty-bitty reprieve. Woo-hoo! If you were worried about Social Security running out of something (Cash? Manila folders? Vanilla wafers?) in 2034, I have good news! Everybody gets 365 extra days to rake in the retirement dough:
The trust funds the Social Security Administration relies on to pay benefits are now projected to run out in 2035, one year later than previously projected, according to the annual trustees’ report released on Monday.
The Social Security trustees credited the slightly improved outlook to more people contributing to the program amid a strong economy, low unemployment and higher job and wage growth.
Last year, the trustees projected the program’s funds would last through 2034, when 80% of benefits would be payable.
We now return you to your regularly-scheduled rolling around in piles of money.
CHEERS to oh-la-la in the court. With a mighty Boom-chicka-boom-chicka boom boom boom, Stormy Daniels took the stand yesterday as a witness—to put it mildly—in the election-interference trial of Donald J. Trump. The prosecuting attorney said that he would ask no questions specifically relating to the defendant's genitalia. Thus explaining why yesterday the prosecuting attorney was nominated for all the humanitarian awards in existence.
CHEERS to "Give 'Em Hell Harry." And happy 140th birthday to #33, the former haberdasher who said "I felt like the moon, the stars and all the planets had fallen on me" when he became president after FDR died in 1945. Back when he had some shred of relevance, George W. Bush liked to cling to the notion that his legacy would be vindicated over time, as Truman's was. Or perhaps not: when Bush came into office, the country was enjoying virtually unprecedented peace and prosperity and he led us straight into depression and war. Truman's situation was a bit different. From the book Rating the Presidents, in which over 700 historians and political gurus rank Truman #7 (and this description almost sounds a little Biden’ish):
Ahead of him was the task of leading a nation worn out from almost sixteen years of depression and war.
Truman paid heavily for the mood of the people and the troubles of the times. Contemporary opinion polls gave him terrible ratings. He was reviled, the endless butt of jokes like, "To err is Truman."
In later, calmer years historians and political scientists assessing his standing consistently ranked him among America's ten best presidents. Our poll participants give him high rankings in all categories, never dropping him lower than ninth and in the Accomplishments and Crisis Management categories ranked him sixth.
But, golly, it sure sucked when Dewey defeated him. Titter titter.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to real "Mission Accomplished" moments. Speaking of Harry Truman, World War II—which got started in 1939 when Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked a kerosene lantern into Adolf Hitler's crotch (source: Conservapedia)—officially ended in Europe 79 years ago today. Truman famously said: "The flags of freedom fly all over Europe." And the head of the House cafeteria famously said: "Hooray, we can finally change 'freedom veal' back to 'wiener schnitzel.'"
JEERS to the Great Brain Drain. This will surprise nobody, but it's still an unwelcome kick in the teeth to all normal (versus MAGA cult) residents in red states watching their home turf turn into the epitome of a modern-day Angry God Land that runs on a heady mix of twisted Christian "values," racism, tongue baths for the rich, and constant fearmongering: namely, shitholes full of stupidheads:
The youngest generation of American workers is prepared to move away from states that pass abortion bans and to turn down job offers in states where bans are already in place, a new survey from CNBC/Generation Lab finds.
The “Youth & Money in the USA” survey of 1,033 people between the ages of 18 and 34 found that almost two-thirds of respondents, 62%, would “probably not” or “definitely not” live in a state that banned abortion. […]
“These numbers on abortion have gigantic implications for just about every large company in America,” said Cyrus Beschloss, the CEO of The Generation Lab. “Companies must know they’ll be freezing out or at least scaring a large part of the young talent they’re trying to hire when they’re based in one of these states.”
Come on up to Maine, yoots. We're beautiful, chill, pro-choice, live-and-let-live, and we accept all major credit cards.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 8, 2014
JEERS to power gripping. So to recap: Egyptians threw out Hosni Mubarek (who turned 86 Sunday) because he was ruling with too much of an iron fist. Then the military ruled for a while with an iron fist. Then the Muslim Brotherhood won an election and ruled with an iron fist. Then they got tossed out in a second revolution and the military took over again and ruled with an iron fist. Now the expected winner of the upcoming May 26-27 elections, Fattah al-Sisi, says he'll rule with an iron fist. I'll say this for ‘em: they're consistent. And I'll say this against ‘em: they're consistent.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to something that looks really good on a resume. Last week President Biden presented the 2024 Medal of Freedom recipients. The awards are given out for "An especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors." This year’s group (technically called a “pod”) includes:
Mayor Michael Bloomberg … gang intervention pioneer Father Greg Boyle … Representative Jim Clyburn … former Senator Elizabeth Dole … Phil Donahue … civil rights activist Medgar Evers (posthumous)… former VP and environment defender Al Gore … civil rights activist Clarence B. Jones … Presidential Envoy for Climate John Kerry … former Senator Frank Lautenberg (posthumous) … Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer Katie Ledecky … educator/activist Opal Lee … first Hispanic woman in space and Johnson Space Center director Ellen Ochoa … Speaker Emeritus and Wonder Woman Nancy Pelosi … astronomer Jane Rigby … United Farm Workers President Teresa Romero … LGBTQ rights activist and Matthew Shepard Foundation head Judy Shepard … Olympian Jim Thorpe … and actress Michelle Yeoh.
Each honoree gets the medal, a ribbon, a tie clip, and a Voltron-3000 Throbbing Orb of Omnipotence. We trust they'll use their new powers wisely.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Look, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's ... the first look at Bill in Portland Maine's Superman.
—USA Today
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