Oklahoma Okays New Birther License Plates

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Friday August 14, 2009 · 4:56 AM PDT

2009/08/14 · 04:56

OKLAHOMA CITY (CAP) - A source at the Oklahoma governor's office has confirmed to CAP News that the state will be the first in the union to officially sanction the so-called "Birther" belief that President Obama was born in Kenya by issuing a special commemorative license plate.

"There has been a lot of call for something like this, so we're only giving in to what our most vocal Oklahomans seem to want," said an aide to Gov. Brad Henry. "If President Obama wishes to clear any of this up by producing the long version of his birth certificate, we'd be happy to add a note mentioning that on the back of the plate."

While the plates will be ready for use by the middle of next month at the earliest, they will not be available for everyone. Birthers will have to prove themselves by first demonstrating their knowledge of relevant information, such as biblical facts, Rush Limbaugh trivia and generalized awareness of historical and current right-wing talking points.

More below...

cafeoz

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Saturday October 06, 2007 · 5:15 AM PDT

2007/10/06 · 05:15

SALT LAKE CITY (CAP) - Republican Presidential candidate John McCain today called upon the United States to pay homage to its alleged Christian roots by replacing George Washington on the $1 bill with a more appropriate image, that of Jesus Christ.

The plea surprised some political analysts, who had assumed that McCain's reference to the U.S. as a 'Christian nation' in a recent Beliefnet interview was nothing more than pandering to the base.

"I dunno, maybe he did get loopy for the Lord somewhere out there on the Straight-Talk Express," one reporter told CAP News. "I had to cover that thing for two days in June, and I know I was praying to get the hell off."

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cafeoz

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Wednesday October 03, 2007 · 8:19 AM PDT

2007/10/03 · 08:19

WASHINGTON (CAP) - In a move designed to counter criticism over its veto of a $35 billion expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Program, the Bush administration today announced plans to enact sweeping changes to the existing child labor provisions of the Fair Labor Standards Act.

"The question should not be Is our childrens getting gooder insurance through the government, but How can our childrens gets gooder private insurance, and I think the answer to that is simple: get a job," President Bush told a group of kids at the Fort Meade, Daycare Division facility.

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cafeoz

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Thursday August 30, 2007 · 5:12 PM PDT

2007/08/30 · 17:12

HOUSTON (CAP) - Alberto Gonzalez leans casually against the bar, no sign of his recent occupational problems evident on his face or in his mannerisms. Behind him in the murky depths of Houston's Pedro's Bar and Grill, his band's first ever sound check is underway.

"I feel good, great even," Gonzalez confesses as he absently twirls one of the frills on his western shirt. "I can't recall ever feeling this sure about something. I mean seriously, I just can't remember doing so."

The "something" in this case is Gonzalez' latest gig, a Latin country fusion band calling itself Alberto and the Gonzes. It's a band of privilege, heavy on pricey equipment, light on talent. It's rich with name recognition, yet poor on tempo, rhythm and completely lacking a credible 10-minute drum solo.

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cafeoz

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Tuesday July 10, 2007 · 6:46 AM PDT

2007/07/10 · 06:46

NEW YORK (CAP) - Harry Potter mania is heating up across the globe with the July release of both a new movie and the last book in the series, and Republican candidates for the presidency are taking notice with a number of statements geared toward appeasing the religious wedge of their right-wing base.

"This is an evil, evil little boy," Arizona Senator John McCain said at a Fairbanks, Ala. fundraiser. "How's that song go? Harry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are, uh, burned at the stake."

More...

cafeoz

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Thursday May 17, 2007 · 7:17 AM PDT

2007/05/17 · 07:17

Washington, DC (CAP) – The picture is disturbing, so much so that CAP News’ ombudsman almost didn’t clear it for publication. It shows Vice President Dick Cheney, naked and reclined on a bed, apparently angrily trying to masturbate. It is disturbing, and apparently it is all the Democrats’ fault.

"This is not a situation that we were hoping for, but we are committed to raising money for the troops, and the Vice President’s calendar is merely one way that we’re looking at to achieve that goal," said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. "Other things we’re planning are the OTB T-Ball Invitational, which will be in June, and Mr. Cheney again is helping out with his Charity Skeet Shoot event. And that, by the way, is pure bipartisanship, because the VP is only inviting – and I have to check on this, but I believe it to be true – only inviting Democrats to that event.

More, including a picture that I am so, so sorry for...

cafeoz

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Monday November 13, 2006 · 4:02 AM PST

2006/11/13 · 04:02

WASHINGTON (CAP) - With the dust barely settled on the remnants of their political careers, two of the last Republican congressmen to fall to the Democratic midterm wave are turning to humor to cauterize their wounds.

"We were always cutting each other up on the floor of the Senate," George Allen said as he and Conrad Burns practiced routines in front of a captive audience at the Congressional Page Dorm.

GOTV eCards

cafeoz

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Thursday November 02, 2006 · 7:36 PM PST

2006/11/02 · 19:36

Just a short diary to plug the following:

Get your friends and family members to the polls with free ecards from LiberalGreetings.com. GOTV from the comfort of your browser!

http://www.liberalgreetings.com

(I have no idea if this will help or not, but I figure it's certainly worth a shot. Any "spreading of the word" for this effort would be greatly appreciated!)

Satire: Government Traces E. coli Outbreak Back To Taliban

cafeoz

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Tuesday September 19, 2006 · 7:34 AM PDT

2006/09/19 · 07:34

WASHINGTON (CAP) - The spinach-E. coli outbreak currently sweeping across the country took an unexpected twist yesterday when representatives of the State Department and FDA pointed fingers at an unlikely source: the Taliban.

"In an effort to cut down on poppy production in Afghanistan, we convinced farmers to take up other crops," FDA Assistant Secretary of Vegetables Hugh Lexor said at yesterday's press conference. "One of those crops was indeed spinach. We are currently looking into the possibility that this Afghan spinach, manufactured under the name Qurapp Ai, is responsible for the recent E. coli situation."

In addition to Qurapp Ai Spinach, federal officials are also warning against consumption of other Middle Eastern products, most notably Little Dubai Snack Cakes and CamelToe Creamy Toffee.

More... Read More

Satire: Feds Warn Of Possible 9/11 Popsicle Stick Plot

cafeoz

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Friday September 08, 2006 · 5:40 AM PDT

2006/09/08 · 05:40

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Visitors to the Washington, DC area during the 9/11 commemorative period should be particularly vigilant this year, according to a joint Secret Service/FBI task force.

"We're seeing a lot of chatter out there, and feel that DC may be ground zero in a situation that has been brewing for some time," said task force spokesman Lou Edwards. "Intel indicates that two events in particular - the White House West Lawn Popsicle Stick Twin Tower Construct-Off and the Greater DC Model Airplane Club Jamboree, which will be held near the reflecting pool - are particularly vulnerable."

And then... Read More

Humor - Lieberman To Run As Turtle

cafeoz

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Thursday August 17, 2006 · 4:47 AM PDT

2006/08/17 · 04:47

When he lost the Connecticut Democratic primary, Senator Joe Lieberman vowed to continue on as an "independent Democrat." Since then, insider polling has suggested that he would still lose against primary winner Ned Lamont, causing Lieberman to run, er swim, with another tactic.

More, with visuals, on the flip... Read More

Campaign Launched to Purchase Constitution for President Bush

cafeoz

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Tuesday June 27, 2006 · 6:39 AM PDT

2006/06/27 · 06:39

BOSTON, Mass. -- The Massachusetts-based satire website crystalair.com, a division of Crystal Air Productions, has launched an aggressive campaign to purchase a replacement copy of the U.S. Constitution for President George W. Bush.

In the spirit of freedom and independence, the campaign kicks off just in time for the 4th of July holiday. Donations will be accepted at the Constitution Campaign page (http://www.crystalair.com/...) during the next several months to purchase a beautifully framed copy of the Constitution that the President can proudly hang in the Oval Office.

more... Read More

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Oklahoma Okays New Birther License Plates

Satire-McCain Pushes To Put Jesus On Dollar Bill

Satire: Bush Offers SCHIP Alternative Plan

Satire - Alberto Gonzalez, Ousted Attorneys Form Super Group

Satire - Republican Candidates Unite In Disgust Of Harry Potter

Satire - Cheney Sheds More Than Politics To Fund Troops

Satire: Burns and Allen Ride Again

GOTV eCards

Satire: Government Traces E. coli Outbreak Back To Taliban

Satire: Feds Warn Of Possible 9/11 Popsicle Stick Plot

Humor - Lieberman To Run As Turtle

Campaign Launched to Purchase Constitution for President Bush