Our postman was probably quite confused today when he delivered a big envelope for the Bush/Cheney'04 campaign and a standard envelope from the Kerry'04 campaign to the same address. He might have stood there for a moment thinking, this is one of those divided households where the husband is for Bush and the wife is for Kerry; I really like the wife, she is always so nice to me when we meet.
The bumper stickers I requested were in the Kerry envelope and the Bush out-reach, entirely unsolicited, was heavy with the assumption of support. I mean, seriously heavy as in extremely expensive with personalized laser flourishes. Indeed, the outside announced, "DO NOT BEND! PRESIDENTIAL PHOTO ENCLOSED." Inside was a full color photo of Bush and Laura down on the ranch with the presumptuous message, "To: (full name), Thank you for your early commitment and dedication as a Charter Member of the campaign in Georgia. Grassroots leaders like you are the key to building a winning team. Best Wishes, (printed signatures) Laura Bush (nice penmanship, Laura) and something that looks like Ayw open B-l (gawd! The man can't even scrawl his initials!).
Also enclosed was a letter from Marc Racicot, also full of presumptive insider-ness, that claimed the Kerry campaign has raised "hundreds of millions of dollars" from "liberal special interest groups" and he just knows we want to send "$1,000... or whatever you can afford... to help reach out to other grassroots leaders like you." And last, but not least, was a postage paid reply envelope with the message, "Your 1st Class Stamp is an added gift!" O, how I cackled with glee! Inside, we sent the following message:
Dear Marc Racicot,
Thank you so much for the personalized photo of Bush and Laura - we needed a new dart board. I don't know how you got the idea that we would be interested in supporting someone who has made a mockery of America's honor by misleading our country. As a Viet Nam Vet, I feel no love for your draft-dodging, AWOL Reservist candidate. I do really appreciate the postage paid reply envelope so that I can tell you to remove my name from your database. Come November, if there is truly a God in Heaven, Bush will be sent back to Crawford by a landslide Kerry victory and you should also be prepared to seek new employment - possibly in India because that's where the really good jobs are going.
Sincerely,
(sjct's husband's signature)
I almost feel like attaching a post-it for the mailman tomorrow to let him know that the envelope contains our mutual and passionate rejection of the Bush/Cheney campaign's out-reach.
