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This is regarding a previous diary I wrote but I must explain to you the circumstances. It is critical that I take action now because by the middle of July according to KY state law the father can just keep my grandson without a fight.

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This is regarding a previous diary I wrote but I must explain to you the circumstances. It is critical that I take action now because by the middle of July according to KY state law the father can just keep my grandson without a fight.

Continue Reading

Thu Jun 14, 2012 at 11:41 AM PDT

Update/ Losing Two People You Love

by tngirl

This is tngirl with an update on my situation. I have obtained an attorney to battle for my daughter to get full custody of her son. I am only $700 short in having enough to pay him off. My grandson has been in KY since January 20th. Kentucky has a law that if the child is there with his father for 6 months, he is automatically  his without a fight. I have already lost my husband, jimreyn to suicide, I don't want to lose my grandson as well. We have had him for 4 years of his life and now suddenly the father has decided he wants him. I am not well and need my daughter here with me and my grandson comes with my daughter.

If you can help in any way, I can only except money orders or cash. If you can help please contact me at this email address:  This diary will be going to Three Star Kossacks but if anyone knows how to get it to Daily Kos Recent Diaries, please do so.

Thanks for all you have done and all you will do.    


This is tngirl with yet another sob story, First of all I want to thank you all so much for what you've done for me already but I'm still depressed and feel as though I have no one to turn to which I don't but to my Kossack family.

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Thu May 10, 2012 at 03:58 PM PDT

Tricia Update

by tngirl

I thought as good as all of you have been to me, you deserved an update.

I am happy to report that I am doing much better compared to where I was  a little over two months ago, not that I have recovered from such a horrific memory but I am dealing with it much better. I still think of Jim all through the day, I can feel his presence still, I cherish the many things he has made for me over the years. I frequently look at pictures, read cards and letters and I have many, many letters he wrote to me over the course of 23 years. I spend a lot of time in the bedroom and it does not bother me. I feel closest to him in this room. I still have flashbacks of that awful day in February, I still don't sleep well. Upon waking, I instantly look to his side of the bed,

Therapy and Zoloft have worked miracles for me. I absolutely adore my therapist. She is one of the most compassionate people I have ever met. She gives me free reign and I let it ALL out! I have to thank Nurse Kelley and Vetwife for being there for me also. They have been very supportive, loving and caring. I called Kelley on one of my bad days and I know she just sat there holding the phone listening to me ball my eyes out. I have another lady, and I can't remember at this very moment the name she goes by, but her real name is Jo and we are email buddies and I pour my heart out to her. I talked to Bud just the other day when I was having a bad day and he has been a great inspiration to me as well. I wish that I could get to know more of you on a personal basis but know that I love you all. I am still mailing thank you cards, if you haven't gotten yours yet you will. This is when I get really emotional trying to write these cards because I never thought I'd see the day I would be thanking people for what they did for me when my husband took his own life. But I promise to get to you, just give me a little time. I want those I can to personally thank them with a card in my own handwriting and hopefully you will feel it from my heart.

While I am better in this area, it is with deep sorrow that I tell you I am losing my grandson. The father has filed for full custody. I have not told anyone, no not even you Nurse Kelley but to hire an attorney for a child custody case, I have been given quotes of  6, 7 $10,000 and we just do not have that kind of money. Legal Aid in our state only takes cases which DCS is involved. I have been relentless calling attorney's asking them to take it pro-bono but the attorney's I've spoken with thus far say they have already met their quota on pro-bono cases for the year which really pisses me off as this is just May, do they not think someone will come along during the rest of the year needing help? I am devastated. My daughter is so depressed, having not so good thoughts, I worry so about her. I lost the love of my life, my inlaws and now I'm losing the second love of my life. He is my world. He brightens my days. Jim said in his suicide note that Darien would never live at this address again and he needed him, how he kept him going. Jim and my grandson, Darien were very close. He was Jim's shadow. Jim was a intelligent man and he knew what he was saying at the time. His father's attorney conned my daughter into a parenting plan for supposedly 3 months and he has the highest paid attorney in our town and she told her if she did not sign the parenting plan she would lose Darien anyway. Not having an attorney and being terrified of losing her son, she signed the papers. He has had him since January 29th and was suppose to be returned April 29th. I can't say on here my feelings for this man. Sunday when we were trying to get Darien ready, we told him his dad was on the way, he said "no I don't want to go, I wanna stay with Mommy". My daughter and I both burst into tears. All I can do is keep praying and I would like to ask that you keep us in your prayers also and keep calling attorney's and hope I can find one who has a heart and hasn't met their quota yet. I don't know if I believe them when they tell me that because I know greed enters into it and it is going to be time consuming. Daryl, the father knows our every move thanks to the Lynnville Chief of Police whom I placed a complaint on him and we know nothing about what day care, who keeps Darien on the weekends he works, what kind of place he lives in, does he have a woman living with him. We know nothing and cannot find out anything without an attorney. We do know he has become an alcoholic, his whole family is. We also know that it is possible that he still suffers from PTSD as result of serving in Desert Storm. When he came home, doctors declared him mentally insane. Christina saw those papers. Life is so unfair.

Just please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I will all of you.
Love,Peace,Hope & Prayers, Tricia


Did you know that suicide occurs every 40 seconds? Suicide is the 6th most common cause of death in the US. In the US, 52% of suicides involve the use of a firearm.

People who have the highest risk of suicide are white males. Men worldwide are 3 to 4 times likely to kill themselves. But women and teenagers report more suicide attempts. People commit suicide when they are feeling hopeless and in despair and just can't logically find any other solution..

Clinical studies have shown that underlying mental disorders are present in 87% to 98% o9f suicides. Some mental disorders identified as risk factors, often may have an underlying biological  basis. Serotonin is a vital brain neurotransmitters in those who have taken their own life have the lowest level at the time of death.

Hopelessness and despair, the feeling that there is no prospect of improvement in one's situation is a strong indicator of suicide. No logic enters into the brain. One is not in their rational state of mind when they take their own life.

I became a widow on February 24th 2012 as my husband came to my side of the bed and the only words he spoke were watch this and he pointed a 22 to his temple and pulled the trigger. It was an extremely fast act of event. As I think about it, and others I've talked to, I believe his intentions were to  kill me and then himself. I'll never know but it is a scary thought. Even if not to kill me as well, why come to my side of the bed? Why do it in front of me. As I am able to think back on things, there were signs. He had been planning this. It wasn't just a spur of the moment thing. I so regret I didn't recognize the signs.

Many of you have expressed how much he loved me and I felt loved up until this happened. I feel as though he was trying to punish me by committing the act in front of me, he left me no letter stating he loved me, only a note to his oldest daughter who happens to live on our street. I am not mentioned. I was just finally able to read the letter yesterday, 2 months since his death It brought on a roller coaster of emotions, the first being terribly angry to crying my eyes out missing him and feeling sorry for myself. I certainly didn't feel loved. All I can say is watch your spouse, your children or a good friend because there are signs beforehand. If your loved one is bipolar, make sure they take their medication.

I pray that no one ever has to go through what I did. It is an image I will never get out of my mind, not EVER!

I am just trying to get through it the best I can. I am in therapy, absolutely love my therapist. She has diagnosed me with severe trauma, severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD which is what our soldiers are coming back home with. Not only this but depression because his entire family, children and sisters will not have anything to do with me. Not only did I loose Jim but his family of 23 years who once seemed to love me so much. They were my family as I have no family of my own, just my 2 children and 1 grandson. This has hurt me to the core. My few friends have shunned me, I guess people can't deal with suicide.

If you, your spouse, your sibling or close friend show signs of depression, try to get them help right way. It could mean the difference between life and death. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7. The number is 1-800-273-TALK.


Thu Apr 19, 2012 at 03:12 PM PDT

Thank You Isn't Enough

by tngirl

Hello to my Kossack family. This is Tricia, jimreyn's widow.
First of all, I would like to apologize for taking this long to get this diary out to you. Needless to say I have been severely depressed, sometimes to the point I could not function. I am in therapy and taking medications for my depression and nerves.
There are no words to express my gratitude for the kindness so many of you have shown me during my loss. It absolutely overwhelmed me. I have always been the one to do for others and I just let my pride get in the way of having someone do for me, not that I did not appreciate it so much but that's just who I am. I will always be grateful for all you did for me and never forget you. Each of you have a very special place in my heart.

It is with regret that I have a confession to make. There are about 5 members of the group who know my secret but at the time I begged them to keep it private.

I am assuming so many of you are wondering what happened to Jim, was it a heart attack or what exactly. I do not think he would want you to know but I feel it is an injustice to not tell you the truth. Jim was a wonderful loving, compassionate husband,  a wonderful father, stepfather and grandfather and he cared about the direction our country is taking and he loved his Kos family. He loved music, His profession for several years was that of a DJ at our local radio station. He played the guitar as well as drums and he wrote hundreds of lyrics. We took fantastic journey's together meeting many stars. He was a loner so to speak, a man who loved to read books and the internet opened up a gigantic world to him. His mind was like a sponge, it soaked up the knowledge and his brain was like that of a computer, he never forgot what he read. There was never no need for plumber or electricians, if anything went wrong he fixed it. With his health being in the shape it was, it might take him 3 times as long to complete a task but he would not give up and succeeded at whatever he set out to fix. I'm not bragging but he did have a brilliant mind on him. He could and should have been a millionaire.

Jim was not well. He had a botched surgery in 1992 of having his right kidney removed. He was never pain free from this point on and it only grew worse as the years went by. He had one tiny spot in his right side that he described to me and his doctors as feeling as if there was a rat inside of him just trying to gnaw his way out. I recently had all my teeth removed looking forward to getting dentures and getting my smile back but something terrible went wrong. The dentist damaged a nerve or multiple nerves. Here I am toothless and in more pain than I was before I had them removed. 2011 was a horrible year for me and put a lot of stress on Jim. The pain was unbearable. The dentist was baffled and for months and months Jim searched the net until he found what my symptoms matched to. It is called "Atypical Odantalgia". It is horrific pain. I had 3 surgeries which did not work but between the dentist and I have since found a combination of medication that does relieve the pain, not take it away but make it bearable.

My Jim had got to the point where he could not take the pain anymore. It was consuming his life. After discovering I had nerve damage, Jim began to believe that his was nerve damage also in his intestine. He had taken every kind of pain medication there was and nothing stopped it. I do not wish for you to think less of Jim or think of him as a coward but on February 24th 2012, Jim took his own life at the hands of a 22 pistol while in my presence in our bedroom.I am living with this image every day, almost every minute of the day. I was on the laptop and he was writing. Any time Jim wrote, I automatically assumed he was writing lyrics, instead it was a suicide letter. Consumed in what I was reading on the net, he managed to place this letter inside a lock box and remove the 22 pistol. His only words were " Watch This". There was NO time for me to utter a word or scream out Jim don't do this, he put the gun to his head and fired. The pistol once fired popped back and landed between my legs. I remember screaming at the top of my voice, throwing the gun in the floor and grabbing the phone to dial 911. It did not kill him instantly and I laid in the  floor beside him praying like I had never prayed before until the ambulance arrived and they pulled me away from him. It was the most shocking, horrific experience I had ever been through and my 84 year old mother died in my arms of a massive stroke.

I pray that you will not think less of Jim. He was a man in pain who from 1992-2012 had suffered all he could take. I don't think I will ever be the same, nor will I ever get this image from my mind. I so regret how Jim went about this but it is comfort to me to know he is no longer suffering. With me being so sick, I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams that he would leave me but it lets me know just how much pain he was in. I am thankful he is finally pain free and at peace but I miss him terribly. We spent 23 years together and I have very happy, fond memories of us together. He was my world. I consoled him as he did me. I will always love him and there is no one on this earth that could take his place. There will never be another Jim Reynolds.

Again I want to thank you from my heart and soul for all you did for me. I know there is nothing I can say or do to repay you for your kindness and generosity. But please know how greatly it was appreciated. I couldn't spend a dime at first but I am slowly starting to buy some things I needed such as clothes as all mine were falling off of me. When I spend any of the money all I can do is cry, I have broke down on a few sales associates.

Thank you for your love and compassion in a world that I thought things like this no longer existed. I ask that you please keep me in your prayers as I have a long journey ahead of me but It makes me feel so good inside to know that I have people like yourselves who care and made a difference.

A special thank you to Nurse Kelley and Vetwife who made all this possible, and I am leaving someone else out, Urple perhaps who worked many hours to make this possible. I am reading Daily Kos on a daily basis but I don't expect to be as active as Jim was, at least not yet. May God bless each and everyone of you. I have purchased thank you cards to send to those I know made donations but as soon as I start to write I fall apart so I have only gotten a few out but I will get to you. Some were anonymous and unfortunately some I could not read the return addresses but I have kept every card and I am making a memorial scrapbook for Jim and they will all be in there.

Thank you again, I just can't say it enough
Love, Peace, Hope & Prayers, Tricia (short for Patricia)  

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