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View Diary: The hidden agenda of the war on women. (85 comments)

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  •  Question? (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    sideboth, johnny wurster

    Did you intend to phrase this, in this way?

    2. Gender Equality.  I hate housework.  I hate changing diapers.  I hate cooking dinner (actually I like cooking dinner).  I hate the expectation that I should be the one that cooks dinner.  One of the reasons I work is to force my husband to share equally in the domestic chores.  That also means in raising our child.  
    One gets the impression from the diary that based on your and your families accomplishments you have a great relation with your husband that wouldn't require "forcing" him to behave in line with your personal goals.

    Understand if this is too personal for response, just curious.

    Thanks

    Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

    by EdMass on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 07:00:18 AM PDT

    •  Good Question. (18+ / 0-)

      Let me first say that my husband is awesome.  He is actually tiding the house as we speak.  

      He is like a lot of men.  Raised with a traditional SAHM and now has a wife who works.  There are certain things that he just assumes that I will handle.

      For example, when our son is sick, he assumes that because I have the more flexible job I will stay home.  Most times I do, other times I don't because 1.  I have something important and 2.  It's good for our son to see both mom AND dad as the care provider.

      I think despite the most liberal thinking, most guys grow up with mothers who have traditional gender roles and that influences who does what in a marriage.

      I work so that arguments about the split are greatly reduced.

    •  I think the assumption - and it's a reasonable (5+ / 0-)

      one, IMHO - is that a SAHM will shoulder a lot of the house chores.  When both parties work, it has to be split.

      re: child care: my wife didn't go back to work when we had a kid and were living in Brooklyn because the child care was outrageously expensive.  What was startling was that it was a neighborhood w/ a ton of demand for childcare, but the supply seemed to be fairly inelastic such that more supply wasn't brought to the market, resulting in disequlibrium and skyrocketing prices.  I'm assuming the cause of that disequlibrium was regulation (of which there seems to be a ton; when we considered doing a co-op preschool I started going through the regs to see what we'd have to do if we wanted to do everything lawfully, and it seems like the regs are a pretty heavy burden), but I'd love to see some sort of academic study on the topic.

      •  johnny - regulations are an issue (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        johnny wurster, sb

        Many states, cities, and counties have regulations that make it very difficult for neighbors to band together to help each other with childcare. It's one random example but I saw a TV spot where some agency would not let a next door neighbor watch a child in her home for a few hours in the morning before school because the parents had to leave very early and before the child could go to school. Someone "reported" this situation of one neighbor helping a neighbor. It's crazy.

        "let's talk about that"

        by VClib on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 08:13:11 AM PDT

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        •  Hmm (0+ / 0-)

          Got a link? I have the feeling there is more to this story. This kind of thing (neighbor or family care) happens all the time.

          •  pat - I don't (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Sue B, sb

            It was just a random TV spot months ago. The take home message was that a lot of informal daycare arrangements violate some state or local rules or regulations, even if no money is exchanged. Few of these arrangements are known or pursued by local agencies, but apparently many technically violate local rules.

            "let's talk about that"

            by VClib on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 08:26:08 AM PDT

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          •  I'm pretty sure vclib is correctly (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            VClib, sb, cpresley

            representing it.  it happened in Michigan about two years ago, which should give you enough to Google it.  its consistent with what I found in ny law, too, which was totally insane: if we had more than 4 miss on a "regular" basis, we had to get insurance, inspections, be subject to all sorts of crazy health, safety, and construction rules, etc.  there was actually a NYTimes story recently about black market preschool coops in my old neighborhood, too.  

            •  I remember the story. Flip side, though: (4+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              mmacdDE, majcmb1, sb, badscience

              I grew up among poor people (my family included) who relied on unregulated "neighbor ladies" to provide child care. Sometimes the care was fabulous-- I think my Aunt Vi was probably a grandmotherly caregiver who minded the children she took in as if they were family.

              Others were... not grandmotherly. One, across the street from my family throughout my high school years, was filthy and overcrowded. I don't know what those kids ate during the day. I know they never went outside into daylight.

              We need a completely different approach to early childhood care in this country. We need affordable community-based childcare centers staffed by trained professionals who know how to handle everything from infection control (very important among young children) to appropriate cognitive stimulation from infancy to early school age.

            •  Here in California it is my understanding that (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              wishingwell

              this isn't necessary as long as you are only watching the children of a single family.  Once you start multiples, you must follow the daycare qualifications and inspections.

              "I watch Fox News for my comedy, and Comedy Central for my news." - Facebook Group

              by Sychotic1 on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 02:11:26 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

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