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View Diary: Darlin', Don't Disrespect Your Man That Way (262 comments)

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  •  Noddy, you blew it. (6+ / 0-)

    You bought right into his basic premise.

    You got defensive. You kept saying, in essence, "I'm doing this because no man is available."In other words, acknowledging that it's "man's work" and you have no business doing it, but you have to do it because you've got no man handy.  

    Next time someone hits you with the "man's work" schlock, just look puzzled. And say, perfectly pleasantly, "But I like mowing the lawn....washing the car...trimming the bushes..."

    "....out in the sunshine, making something look great, and I think I like it because, unlike housework, it lasts for awhile, you know?  You put in the work, the lawn looks terrific, it's going to look great for a week or so. Housework? You do it and five minutes later you have to do it again. It's just so boring--ah, what did you say your name was? Fred? It's just so boring, Fred! You ever cleaned a bathroom? Five minutes later it's dirty again. Swear to God, five minutes!  And I really think dirty dishes breed when we're not looking because you can wash a whole sink full and bam!....the sink's full again. But mowing the lawn? I imagine you feel like you've really accomplished something when you've done that, right? Me, too! Ever notice how great cut grass smells?....."

    Chatter him to death. The guy is going to wander back home wondering what hit him. He's either going start rethinking the premise of gender divisions of work or  see you as a total nut case. Either way, he'll almost certainly leave you alone! Permanently!

    As for the empty can, pick it up and say, absolutely cheerily and with total sincerity, "Hey, Fred! I'm sure you don't want to dull my blades by having me run over this! Come on, buddy, I know your mamma taught you to pick up after yourself! Here you go! Thanks for chatting with me!"

    Yes, he's a jerk. No, you won't "win" if you get defensive, indignant or angry, because that's exactly what he wants. Chatting him up, as the Brits say, works a hell of a lot better, because it gives people like him nothing to work with.

    Oh, and if he hits you again with the "disrespect" line, just tell him that your husband, lover, son, etc. is too busy making cupcakes. And man, can he make cupcakes! Would you like to hear about the cupcakes, Fred?

    Watch Fred flee. And laugh to yourself. Silently. You don't want to clue him in that he's just been scammed.

    Freedom has two enemies: Those who want to control everyone around them...and those who feel no need to control themselves.

    by Sirenus on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 06:51:36 PM PDT

    •  But I hate mowing (10+ / 0-)

      I've whined about it here a couple of times.  I don't care who knows I hate mowing, but I'll still do it.

      When my boys lived at home, I didn't let them mow, even though I hate mowing because this yard is difficult and dangerous to mow. And when they come home to visit, I still don't let them mow. Just because they're soldiers doesn't mean they should risk life and limb mowing my yard.

      All knowledge is worth having.

      by Noddy on Sun Apr 15, 2012 at 06:59:57 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Noddy....dear sweet honest Noddy. (0+ / 0-)

        The goal is not to be the flagwaver for honesty. The goal is to baffle "Fred", confuse Fred, bewilder Fred, and get him to leave you alone.

        So lie. Like a dog.  And if the next time, if it's one of your male relatives mowing and Fred strolls over and points that out to you, you say, "I know, Fred. But they like mowing almost as much as I do and I just don't have the heart to tell them I'll do it. So I'm making the cupcakes today. Hey, Fred, wanna help? I could sure use someone to wash the baking pans....."

        Freedom has two enemies: Those who want to control everyone around them...and those who feel no need to control themselves.

        by Sirenus on Mon Apr 16, 2012 at 11:20:46 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  I disagree. (5+ / 0-)

      She should not have to play games. Especially when she's  distracted and busy working with tools that can cause serious injury.  And it is hard to tell a new neighbor to fuck straight off on first meeting but she more or less did that anyway.

      It was a beautiful line, by the way Noddy. Just keep an eye open lest the redneck tries to put you in your place.

      Have the police department over for lunch. Really. The guy is too stupid to take anything else seriously.

      •  So, rather than bewilder and confuse old (0+ / 0-)

        Fred--who trust me, is not going to change-- to make him leave you alone, you'd rather put the local police on speed-dial?

        Those that get angry lose, especially with people like Fred. There are times to get angry, there are times to take action, but an idiot who thinks "wimmenfolk" shouldn't mow lawns is too small a fish to cause anyone to pull out the big guns.

        Laugh your ass off at such guys. Behind their backs, of course. They're not worth anything more.

        Freedom has two enemies: Those who want to control everyone around them...and those who feel no need to control themselves.

        by Sirenus on Mon Apr 16, 2012 at 11:25:23 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  No. No speed dial. But to expect someone (0+ / 0-)

          Who is mowing a dangerous lawn, as Noddy has said she was doing, to suddenly stop that and leap into a mental space where she can play the manipulation games you are suggesting, is unreasonable for the average person. That was my point. She shouldn't have to do that.

          I am also saying that since she is related to or familiar with many of the police in town, she should have them over for a barbecue, to make the point that she is not good victim material. One picnic, not speed dial, because you are right, Fred won't change, and having her cop neighbors scare the piss out of the idiot is about as sure fire a way as any to put the relationship on Noddy's terms, to deal with as she likes.

          A woman who lives alone can not afford to blow off a neighbor like Fred. She shouldn't be afraid of him, but she must be aware of him. Unfortunately, that is survival.

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