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View Diary: I'm so angry, I'm crying; I'm so sad, I want to scream. (185 comments)

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    I learned too late to do me much good that it helps a lot if you don't care what they think.  They'll see that you don't care, and at least some of it will stop.  Deep down, I kept wanting EVERYBODY to be my friend, and I didn't stop to wonder why I'd want the friendship of people who were being an ass to me on a regular basis.  I also didn't understand how little the whole business meant to them--I dramatized the whole situation too much for my own good.  Not to excuse them, of course, but sometimes it was too minor to care about.  

    People used to say "ignore it", but that's not the right way to approach someone who's constantly getting it.  I thought they meant "swallow it", but what I really needed to hear was...well, it's hard to say.  They kept telling me, "They like to get a rise out of you; they tease you because you keep flying off the handle and it entertains them when you do that."  I knew it was true, but I couldn't help taking it all personally.  It took me a long time to understand, and when I finally did, I was actually kind of embarrassed.  When you're on the receiving end, being told to stop caring sounds like being told to become a machine whose emotions can simply be turned on and off like a spigot.  If you can bring people to an understanding that this is not worth wasting your energy on, that might get through.  It's not about summoning willpower; it's about seeing it for what it really is.  Once you see it for what it really is, you can handle it accordingly.  You have to stop caring what people not worth your time or energy say to or about you.  You have to be public with that lack of caring, and you have to mean it.  But it's the being brought to a better understanding that's the key turning point.

    It's a kind of thorny issue, because I was the target of more serious stuff as well.  OTOH, I never got actively beat up, at least.

    The '60s were simply an attempt to get the 21st Century started early....Well, what are we waiting for? There's no deadline on a dream!

    by Panurge on Mon Apr 16, 2012 at 07:44:18 PM PDT

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