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View Diary: I saw a kid get slapped (137 comments)

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  •  I slapped a kid , 9ish , on the butt once , (7+ / 0-)

    done in the heat of the moment , she has just face slapped another younger girl , 6ish . I should have picked up the younger and kissed her on the same place she was slapped .

    I felt like a damn fool afterwards

    "Drop the name-calling." Meteor Blades 2/4/11

    by indycam on Sat Nov 17, 2012 at 08:24:34 PM PST

    •  you second choice is exactly right (7+ / 0-)

      pay attention with ample extroverted empathy to hurt party makes the aggressor feel ignored and rams home they hurt someone (ie they feel remorse). And it soothes the injured one quickly. Only then deal with the aggressor.
      Parenting books say this but it actually works with most kids of all ages! (I'm a former nanny so have used it with lots of different kids). In some empathetic or older kids, it even brings out a spontaneous apology to the hurt party and you don't have to discipline the aggressor much at all.

      Many parents have swatted behinds a few times in anger or without thought and regret it even those who mean never to hit. You live with kids day in day out it's human error.

      As you might know, studies show that any hitting increases aggression in kids on average and does not see to have a benefit. Enough hitting leads to long term harm of course.

      I usually council parents to apologise for anything physical they do to kids, if their intent is not to. It is the best model.

      •  No, I never regretted spanking my eldest (7+ / 0-)

        She seriously would have died if I hadn't.  She started walking when she was nine months old.  During her toddlerhood I spent most of the time with her literally strapped to my waist, but when she was a free agent, she would run away from me so fast and get into the worst sort of trouble--climbing things, running into traffic.

        Her younger sister wasn't like that so there wasn't the need for it.  But when a child is too young to reason or respond to threats, a parent doesn't have too many options.

        The last time I spanked her was when she was three.  We were at the zoo, and she deliberately ran away from me when I was putting her sister in the stroller.  I only had my back turned for a few seconds, and when I looked up she was gone.  Of course I told the zoo personnel at once and they used walkie-talkies.  Still, she ran more than a quarter mile to the front gates before they found her and brought her back to me.

        So I am a parent who spanked, yet even I can't understand why it would be used on someone who's almost a grown man.

        •  My daughter swung from a glass chandelier (3+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          kerplunk, irishwitch, CuriousBoston

          I was in the bathroom, and she figured out and executed the plan as I walked out of the room (open floor plan) : how to climb up on the dining table, and hang from the chandelier. She was 3.

          I sat her on the chair, and every time she went to climb up again, I swatted her backside, said "No Climbing!" and sat her back down.

          She laughed the first 9 times we did this.

          Around #12, she rubbed her butt and went "Oooooh" and was much slower to see what would happen again.

          Finally decided she didn't want to climb after #14.

          Two years later, she forgot that lesson, and in our new house rolled open my 2nd floor bathroom window, stood on the toilet, and threw the contents of my vanity and medicine cabinet out. And discovered spankings could be done int he new house too.

          BOTH times were because she endangered her own life, and had verbal developmental delay... and I HAD to make sure it sunk in.

          Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. ~ Yoda Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

          by Cinnamon on Sun Nov 18, 2012 at 09:01:32 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  ROFL (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Cinnamon, irishwitch

            Visualizing your daughter hanging from a chandelier and throwing all your stuff out the window is hilarious.

            Not laughing at the spanking part.

            The Republican Party is Simply a Coalition of Greed and Hate

            by kerplunk on Sun Nov 18, 2012 at 09:20:01 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  It does sound funny now (3+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              kerplunk, irishwitch, CuriousBoston

              but after both times? I sobbed my heart out for hours afterwards.

              A child with impulsivity control issues and no sense of situational awareness, I am dreading her teen years when she really "discovers" the opposite sex. When she was little, I have jumped over shopping carts as she sprinted away in the grocery parking lot (in winter, when it was icy, and I was in a foot immobilizer.) I found her playing "sandbox" with open containers of red chile pepper (which thank god hadn't got in her eyes yet). I have bellowed to the 4 walls of every big box store in our area to find her when she has "disappeared". I have taken her in and given her a hot bath when she decided to play outside, naked, in January. (same day as the makeup-tossing, btw)

              After telling some of my stories, friends finally convinced me I should have a blog. So I did.

              Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. ~ Yoda Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

              by Cinnamon on Sun Nov 18, 2012 at 09:29:26 AM PST

              [ Parent ]

          •  my son has fragile X syndrome and I agreed that (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Cinnamon, irishwitch, CuriousBoston

            sometimes a swat on the butt is a "universal sign" for don't do that.
            When my son was two he ran into the street.  We lived in S.F. at the time.  While I could have explained it to him (I tried to later after I composed myself) I immediately swatted his diapered butt and yelled "NO". It seemed to work.I don't like spanking but there are circumstances...

            "Anything you do in life will be insignificant but it is important that you do it anyway. " Ghandi

            by JillS on Sun Nov 18, 2012 at 09:24:28 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

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