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View Diary: To My Dad & Sorry for my Rant (123 comments)

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  •  I want to agree with this (6+ / 0-)

    Your father is not wrong to see that you are angry and depressed--he's wrong in how he is handling his own anger, fear, and depression and he is projecting onto you his need to imagine there is a "cure" for what you are going through with mere positive thinking.  He sounds like a guy who was not a good husband and father when he had the chance and who is now trying ot make up for it. But what you need now is more than someone to kiss a booboo or take you to the mall for the right size shoes.

    He blew it back then, when the demands of fatherhood were simple and less scary and he's the same guy he was when he just showed up on alternate weekends--he isn't the kind of guy who can roll up his sleeves and change a diaper, or clean the sink.  He's got the lazy man's version of parenting and of the clean house: if only everyone else would take care of it.

    Take a hard look at what he brings to your life right now. If you can find someone else to clean your house and give you rides do it--he is going to break under the strain of trying to be nice when its not in his nature to be mature and understanding.  As the poster above me suggested just cut short his visits inside your house, if you can't stop the rides.

    Also: something I found out from dealing with my mother, who is a wonderful person, is that some people have a hard time distinguishing between what would bother them and what would bother you. My mother always wanted me to have a beautiful garden. I'm not a garden person. Finally, after she'd badgered me for years, I just told her "you do it, if it matters to you."  Next time he brings up the situation i the house just say "Dad, you clean the house as much as you want.  I have other things I need to be doing right now but you seem to have free time and a clean gene to spare so you do it. The mops and soap are in the closet. Go to it."

    aimai

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