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  •  I didn't have to deal with the "competition" (4+ / 0-)

    aspect - but I saw friends have to deal with it.  It was a whole level of creepy I was glad we didn't have frankly - because some of them had grabby dads or step dads.  My dad was just horrified that I was "ripe" or something and seeing threatening peens everywhere.  I wanted to read Heinlein and make D&D maps - I was not interested in sex at all for years.

    That's definitely something I think that grows from the same sick root.  I was expected to be a confidant - because my mum was lonely and didn't trust the women who were her peers not to talk.

    I just did not need a view into that adult world of sexuality and power struggles as a child - it did me no good at all.

    And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

    by Mortifyd on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 03:03:30 AM PST

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    •  Mortifyd... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Joy of Fishes, Mortifyd
      I wanted to read Heinlein and make D&D maps - I was not interested in sex at all for years.
      I'm only a year younger than you... and I think if we'd grown up near each other we would have been good friends as kids! This is exactly where I and my small group of friends were at this age. Boys came much later. Even my boy friends were interested in Heinlein, Asimov, and D&D.  

      "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

      by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 06:24:01 AM PST

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      •  all my friends were boys when I had any (2+ / 0-)
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        FloridaSNMOM, Joy of Fishes

        because all I cared about was science fiction and D&D.  If I had the occasional female friend she had a lot of brothers  or she was able to roll with I was weird and thought like a boy.  Because I just didn't care about all that girl stuff.

        I think my parents thought I would at some point - they are still bitterly disappointed.  I got a wifeish instead, she loves all that girly stuff so I don't have to - while also being cool with Heinlein and D&D.

        I call her my wifeish because I discovered our marriage was not legal after the fact.  But we are still semi legally bound and I don't really plan to change it anytime soon.

        And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

        by Mortifyd on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 12:54:17 PM PST

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        •  I used to run over my sister's barbie dolls (2+ / 0-)
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          Mortifyd, Joy of Fishes

          with my tonka trucks when I was younger. I played war with the boys, and I too didn't care about the girl stuff. I wore dresses to church because my mom made me, but that was about it.
          My daughter is an odd mix of a tom boy and a girlie girl. She can talk girl stuff with the best of them, and she loves to draw clothing designs, but she grew up with a big brother and can hold her own with the boys just as well. Maybe it helps that she was raised with boffer swords (SCA kid) and playing pirates and knights, and rough housing with a much older autistic big brother?

          But we never put any expectations on her one way or the other. She likes crafty stuff, she likes dolls, but she also has a WWE wrestling ring and wrestling figures, luchador masks, remote controlled cars and lots of legos. Her interests are wide and varied and have little to do with gender expectations.

          "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

          by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 02:01:21 PM PST

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          •  that's very cool (2+ / 0-)
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            FloridaSNMOM, Joy of Fishes

            I wish that I had been able to do more of the things I wanted - but things were tight and my parents are pretty confined in their gender roles even now.  Which is why I think we have so many problems between us - to them I am still a "runaway" girl who needs to come home and behave.  I don't have time for that bullshit.

            I was not allowed to do things I was interested in because they were too "boyish."  I was forced to wear a patch on my jacket declaring my gender to the world because I looked like a boy.  I could play soldier because there were lady soldiers - but I was supposed to be support personnel, not shooting.  I liked the shooting part.

            You are clearly not doing that. LOL

            And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

            by Mortifyd on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 02:24:45 PM PST

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            •  ((Mortifyd)) (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Joy of Fishes, Mortifyd

              No, not at all what we're doing. That doesn't mean her father and brother won't turn overprotective when she hits her teen years however. Just that it will be more moderated by everything else.. and me.

              I'm sorry you went through all that BS. And I agree, you shouldn't put up with it now either. Be yourself. That's always the best move in my book.
              As for the dances, I didn't have dates either at least not until my Jr. year. But I would have liked to have had the opportunity to go to a few of them, when my friends went stag as well. I was the oldest of three girls with a wood furnace and a garden and 2 acres of land that needed tending. My dad is an alcoholic. Unless he wanted to do all that yard work himself he couldn't force me to be too girly. I was often my father's 'only son' at least in the chores department. My sisters stayed inside and helped my mom with the housework. At least until I graduated and moved out.

              "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

              by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 03:06:39 PM PST

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              •  I was confused by all the "dating" crap (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                FloridaSNMOM

                though I had friend boys who would occasionally serve as "dates" when required - I did go to prom for example.  But I was never allowed to go anywhere alone after bleeding struck, despite looking male myself.  

                My bestie was 6'4" and as much a dork as I was - he neither groped nor fondled - my father mostly believed he was ok.  So I had a male chaperone anytime I left the house other than school.  Because OMG vagina.

                We lived in army housing a lot - no yards to mow or in some places soldiers did it for us - Ft Leavenworth military prisoners mowed the lawns.  And rapists and murderers bagged at the commisary.

                My dad is also an alcoholic and I will never watch The Great Santini ever again.  He would drag me out of bed at 3 am to watch it with him.  I also know far more about Viet Nam than anyone my age has any right to unless they are Vietnamese.  How this squared with his purity protection freakout I have no idea.  But there it is.  We are just a mess as far as mixed messages go.

                And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

                by Mortifyd on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 05:10:02 PM PST

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                •  I won't watch (1+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  Mortifyd

                  Westerns or War movies for similar reasons. My dad never went over seas in Nam, he was in the Air Force but state side repairing planes to send back over.  

                  He was reserves by the time I was 4, and out completely by the time I was 9.  But he was still an alcoholic, controlling and abusive. Just in different ways than your parents. My mom is a recovering alcoholic, but she fell off the wagon sometimes, and I was always the confidant. After my youngest sister was born her ovaries went FUBAR and she started going through menopause every other month. When I was 20 she had a hysterectomy and was put on hormones which made things a lot better. Before that though, from the time I was 12 until I left at graduation she was unstable, kind of like Bi-polar. She would destroy the house and blame it on us. She threw a cereal box at my sister and sliced her head open and tried to blame that on me. I remember once she got stuck in the snow, and took her shoes off and ran through 4 foot snow drifts in her stockings a quarter mile home, leaving me and my sisters in the car.

                  As an adult my mom and I have had issues. I haven't talked to my dad in about 6 years. I've had to move back in with them twice. It never lasted long. The hard part is keeping in your mind that you are an adult now. There has to be some consensus on some things but you don't have to be under their thumb. You have to stand up for your rights as an adult.

                  "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

                  by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 05:32:18 PM PST

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