Skip to main content

View Diary: Jim DeMint leaving the Senate to head Heritage Foundation (315 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  Colbert may lament that he lost the opportunity (0+ / 0-)

    to hire Jim DeMented for his own Think Tank.  He should realize now that he needs to augment his SuperPAC with a really good Think Tank, besides his own comedy writing team.  

    Maybe Colbert could have a lucid dream, after his head falls over onto a Wall Street Journal paper while clutching a Tickle-Me Elmo. In the dream he considers Jim Dement's claim the RNC simply failed to communicate the GOP Dream and dreams the solution--hiring Sesame Street Muppets as his multi-cultural, Acrylic Americans Rethink Tank spokes models or interns.  Betty White comes on stage and puts eletrodes on his head and switches on a big Brain Scan video machine.  We zoom further inside Colbert's REM state cerebral cortex to see The Swedish Chef using lots of big pots and pans, mixing all manner of ingredients and stuff togther helter-skelter makes cookies, and Fozzy Bear sells cookie box derivatives to the Sesame Street Pension Fund to help explain Wall Street derivatives and bail-outs?  A bear-averse Colbrert and Fozzy Bear offer furry puppet people a paper deed to a sealed box of 12 fresh baked cookies, good after they sign a mortgage contract promising to pay back 36 cookies (or more with ARM interest adjustmnts) and tell everyone these sealed 12 cookie boxes will be worth even more than 36 cookies in just a few years since cookie demand can only go up. And then Colbert & Fozzy try to take and sell bundled derivative contracts to Wall Street's sucker institutional clients, pricing at 6 cookies for every future box of 36. First up is Cookie Monster (thanks to government bail-out funds).  They explain to him he'll only get a digital version of the deeds underlying the cookie mortgage futures, and these derivative contract copies happen to resemble a Pac-Man game with players looking like head of Sesame Street characters and ghosts looking like CEOs of banks and Timothy Geitner. And they'll promise that Cookie will start getting cookie dividends anytime now.  Miss Piggy may have to brought in as a 'closer' to help persuade Cookie Monster that he'll be virtually rolling in cookie dough.  Finally, tax all Sesame Street watchers 1.6 Trillion cookies to take care of the unexpected naion-wide plague of cookie defauts which is putting Cookie Monster in a too-big-to-fail panic which causes his teeth (lost in the early 1970s to regrow.  Images boil and then Betty White wakes Colbert up with a hand wearing a Kermit the Frog glove and another holding a boiling Rehink Tank fogging things.

    Scene 2, after Colbert introduces Betty White he invites her to join his own Rethink Tank--one where they get to wear robes and carry incense---and i's really good medical grade pain-relieving incense.  Bob Dole rolls in wanting in on this deal. Then, together they go after and try to exorcize a black hooded Demon-Possessed Empty Comfy Chair (TM RNC 2012 & Monty Python) purporting to represent Grover Norquist's "The Tea Party Chainsaw, Part II--The Frothy Ferral Frenzy Continues -- The Endless Gas-Fueled Massacre of Government's Zombied Supporters". Ripping the hood off that Tea Party II chair shockingly reveals another chair hood (white), embroidered in red thickish rope with it's real name: The Southern Caucasian Comfort/Colt 45 Party for Jesus Hussein Christ (you wondered what the 'H' was for) and The Holy Free Market Spirit of  Get Her Done Secessionist Racial Purity and Bold Glorious Pick-Up Trucks.  Okay,  so maybe that's too much embellishing embroidery, but the incense is really good stuff.

    At this point things get even more dream-like--as the incense kicks into high gear.  So what appeared to be 1 big comfy chair is revealed as a tight stack of 7 terrifying chairs, now harboring a possession far worse than the first Norquist comfy chair.  Dole points to the very frightening Sign of Total Despair of sealed Jim Dementh cream-filled white chocolate covered Red Strawberries left on the top of each chair cushion--each cushion has a checker board pattern on them and chess pieces pop-up.  Switch TV video mode to black & white -- a scene where Colbert is the White Knight Antonius Block (originally played by Max Von Sydow in Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal) sitting down to a chess game with Jon Stewart (or Bob Dole) playing a monk-ish looking black-hooded Death. The chess pieces have the heads of Senators upon them, already in unfettered filibustering mode as these Congressional Do-Even-Less-Than Nothing players try to resist Death itself...okay, I see that maybe I've lost a number of you--I guess we'll need subtitles.  Or maybe someone can considerately help me out of my slide into a vivid but narcoleptic stupor...

    When life gives you wingnuts, make wingnut butter!

    by antirove on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 11:02:12 AM PST

    [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site