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View Diary: Thoughts on Raising a Daughter (129 comments)

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  •  I completely relate ... (11+ / 0-)

    ... except I was never blessed with children.

    The "I'm 34" story cracked me up.  When I was 17 I was at a bar with a friend (who had her older sister's ID), and when the bartender asked me for ID, I sighed with exasperation and said, "You guys card me every time I come in here!  I'm 22 -- enough already!"  

    I think I was much worse behaved than you (cut classes, forged notes from home, got suspended), but I started taking birth control pills as soon as I became sexually active.  Thank you, Planned Parenthood!

    My mother told me years later she was horrified to find them in my purse (yes, she confessed to looking through my purse) but then realized how much more horrified  she would have been if I have gotten pregnant.

    You're doing a great job.  All daughters should have the confidence yours has!

    "The fears of one class of men are not the measure of the rights of another." ~ George Bancroft (1800-1891)

    by JBL55 on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 10:45:51 AM PST

    •  LOL! (7+ / 0-)

      I had to come up with something that was outrageous enough :)

      Nah, I never had trouble at school. Only cut classes once, at the end of senior year. That was a funny story :) As I said, my parents were STRICT. The nights we didn't go clubbing, I was home by midnight or 12:30. One minute late meant -10 minutes the next time.

      •  My time was 10 pm ... (7+ / 0-)

        ... and I spent most of my HS years grounded for one reason or another.  Naturally it made me all the more restless and rebellious.

        So (not that you asked, but), my advice is: keep doing what you're doing.  :-)

        "The fears of one class of men are not the measure of the rights of another." ~ George Bancroft (1800-1891)

        by JBL55 on Thu Dec 06, 2012 at 11:45:54 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Well, I was in NY :) (8+ / 0-)

          I think my curfew at 14 and 15 was 10 or 10:30. We used to go to Drake's Drum, Dorrian's, or The Wicked Wolf and drink. I don't think anyone older than 17 ever went to those places! Curfew was raised to 12 or 12:30 when I was 16. But...that wasn't any fun! It was barely enough time to get downtown!

          And thank you :) I'm enjoying all the comments :)

          •  I went to punk clubs in LA in the late 70s (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            kurt

            ( these places often didn't have "bars" in them anyway: think abandoned building), but I was a very straight arrow in terms of substance abuse and didn't drink or do drugs; just hung out with crowds of amazingly wasted people. You learn a lot watching them! The girl with her coat on fire was a lesson.

            It flipped my parents out, but they did know I was going. And they raised me to make pretty good decisions about stuff. And raised me with alcohol as part of our daily life ("European attitude") so booze was no big deal and there was no rebellion in it, only enjoyment of an epicurean kind, so it was very much under my locus of control.

            My 19-year-old daughter is a control freak and pretty level-headed, but things to happen outside one's locus of control, and girls often bear the brunt of that awful stuff (and are doubly victimized by it). So one worries anyway!

            •  YES!!! European attitude! (5+ / 0-)

              That's how I was raised! Had my first sip of wine at Thanksgiving or Christmas, age 7, for the toast. Was allowed a half glass at 12. Had wine with dinner at home at 16. Parents knew we drank when we went out, but due to allowance restrictions and lectures on self-control and being ladylike, I never got drunk. Would have a glass of water in between drinks to have something in my hand, also to keep sober-ish.

              Had my first beer at the end of 8th grade. We all went to a classmate's house in Southampton, armed with beer or cigarettes. Lmao. Hated the taste, still do.

              But...I cannot bring myself to give my kids wine. Weird, huh? Maybe because DH not raised as I was? Times have changed? But i do want them to grow up with a relaxed attitude, as I did. I don't want them to think that booze is something forbidden that must be consumed sneakily in great quantities. I need to talk to my mother about this.

              •  Re. the European attitude... (2+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                The Marti, BadKitties

                sounds like your kids are still pretty young.  Age 12 or so is plenty early to start allowing a sip of wine at dinner, at least for special occasions.  That may be something DH might be comfortable with and is still in plenty of time to instill self-control and healthy attitudes toward social drinking.

                Some people fight fire with fire. Professionals use water.

                by Happy Days on Fri Dec 07, 2012 at 10:11:39 AM PST

                [ Parent ]

              •  Our kids may have small drinks with us (2+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                BadKitties, Mr Robert

                if they choose (not spirits, but we have let them taste whiskey, which was not popular at the children's table!), and usually they choose not to, at mealtime when we have wine or something.

                In Wisconsin, kids under 18 (I think) can drink from their parent's glass in a restaurant (very powerful tavern lobby) which I think is pretty cool! We have enjoyed that law.

                My parents let us try anything. They lived to regret letting the toddlers try lobster, lamb chops, quiche, etc. because then we wanted our fair share at the table.

          •  Have you read Joyce Johnson's (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            BadKitties, The Marti

            Minor Characters? It's a memoir (ostensibly about her relationship with Jack Kerouac but much much more than that).

            Your New York Stories made me think of her. Wonderful book.

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