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View Diary: Read My First Comic Book Issue For FREE! (27 comments)

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  •  Hey. Glad to hear things are going well for you. (5+ / 0-)

    Some general thoughts and such:

    - I don't feel like this comic uses grayscale effectively. Color would help a lot; right now you have pages that are just dominated by mid-grays, and it becomes somewhat fatiguing. I generally feel like grays have to be used sparingly or done with ridiculously high levels of shading. This almost feels like it was flat-colored and then gray-converted. Maybe spot-coloring would help?
    - The hiring woman's eyes come off a little too freakishly bug-eyed to me, which I imagine is the glasses effect. Not saying you should change it, necessarily, depends on just how far you wanted to go with that.
    - I like the mirror sequence. It was veering into cliche, but it was handy to have Zoey's reflection point out that it was all a construct.
    - I felt like the Citizen Kane bit was a bit much - it's a tiny bit cliche to have that movie called out and then have the person fail to remember the details accurately. The scene does convey very well how smart and attentive Zoey is, but I might use a different movie.
    - Character designs are great. Every character is distinctive and their clothing tells a lot about them.
    - The typeface used for "THEN..." as well as the typeface used for the final three character art cards feels a little too amateur-ish, BLAM POW WAM.
    - Fridge Logic Moment: If Zoey is so smart, then why is she writing a confession down in her diary? Is this an avenue you've already considered?
    - The murder scene itself... felt a little low drama to me. Like there should have been either less explanation or more time spent on it. It does make for an effective cold open.
    - Did you draw the skyline in the very first panel? It looks very different from the rest of your art - much more grainy and particulate. Stands out.
    - "This is my surprised face" was the best moment, I felt. It underscores that she's aware and calculating her best responses with a touch of humor.

    I'm going to spread this along a few friends. Be very proud of this. I criticize only because:
    1) I have an overinflated opinion of self.
    2) I always felt like criticism that showed engagement with the work was a better present than praise. So,
    3) I hope it helps.

    :)

    Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?

    by ConfusedSkyes on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 01:47:53 PM PST

    •  Especially agree on .... (4+ / 0-)

      .... murder scene.   This is supposed to be the point where we are grabbed by the (fill in the blanks) and pulled into the story.   Instead I almost bailed at that point only to be wonderfully surprised with the rest o' the tale.

      Not so picky on the grayscale.   It's sufficient to illicit "noir" if not spectacular.   Money dictates color more than anything else and a buying publisher would make that call.

    •  Thank You! (4+ / 0-)

      Addressing things in order!

      Grays vs color: I'm not a colorist. I can't afford a colorist. I'm doing the book myself with the skill set I have, so grays it is.  Black and white/grayscale is getting popular in comics again, also.

      Bug-eyes are intentional.

      I'm pretty proud of the mirror scene, too!

      The detective was playing dumb on the movie. He knows how smart she is, and was playing an angle with her.

      Glad you like the characters!

      It's a pretty standard, pro comics font. That might be why it doesn't fit as well as it should, yeah.

      The diary is intentional. As you see in a later issue, she burns each volume once it's full. She also never lets it out of her sight.

      It's a bit clinical because she's a bit clinical about it. It might not be as effective as it could be, but it was an intentional choice.

      I drew it, yes. I also ended up with different filter settings on it that I haven't been able to reproduce since.  Grr.

      Glad you liked what could easily have been a throw-away line!

      I really appreciate your feedback!

      •  Glad I could help, if only a little bit. (3+ / 0-)

        I would say, re-examine the final few panels and see if there's maybe another angle or something you might draw it from. That might help. It's only in the last that I feel it loses its umph.

        Again, only criticizing because there's something here worth improving in the first place, but I think that is my last comment on that note. Am sharing it with all my friends and on facebook. I am not a Very Important Person, but they seem to like it. :)

        Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?

        by ConfusedSkyes on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 02:12:58 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

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