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View Diary: "The Urn is Ready," he said (147 comments)

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  •  Steve's Ashes... (8+ / 0-)

    Are sitting on the bookcase in the den in a beautiful wood box my son made and gave me a few years ago.  I put our baby's (deceased cat) ashes in there with Steves,  wrapped the box in a purple ribbon (purple is the color for pancreatic cancer).. and have a picture of him on the front, under the ribbon.  I touch the box.  I talk to him.  I miss him terribly.  

    Have a therapist from the cancer center that was there with us through that horrible journey.  She will be there for me as long as I need her.  Saw her today, she thinks I'm doing well, told me I did a lot of anticipatory grieving... and not to worry, we all grieve differently.  

    Would recommend a book, "Tear Soup", you can find it on Amazon.  Best thing I have seen on grief.  I bought a copy for our therapist... and she loved it.  Don't know how she does her job, as she loses so many, by definition of working only with cancer patients and their mates.  She told me today that she has to have an "emotional gate"... or she couldn't do it.  But that Steve and I pushed through the gate the very first day she saw us... and she was there with us, emotionally, every step.

    It hurts.  There will always be a part of me that feels empty.  I was blessed to have one of those rare relationships, and the greater the love, the greater the loss.  Still, he told me to go on with life, he wanted me to be happy.  And I will try.  

    Writing is a good thing.  It is a tough journey .. this learning how to live without them.  

    Hugs.

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