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View Diary: A New Year of Sorrow (44 comments)

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  •  I've been in that family's shoes... (5+ / 0-)

    I've had people step in on occasion and help out, I've also had people yelling at us to hurry up. It's always humiliating to a point, though the latter is more so because when someone steps in, you know at least someone out there cares. I've also returned the favor and picked up when someone was short a few dollars and we were ok.

    Today... today we were good. Dad's check came in today and we went grocery shopping. I didn't help someone with groceries, but I did help a young mother and her kids. We were waiting on a prescription and I heard a scream across the store, one that continued on and on, high pitched and raw. I know that sound all too well. My autistic son used to make it when he was having a melt down and couldn't tell me what was hurting, what was bothering him. I looked at Caedy and finally said.. "I have to go find them." And we did. The two older siblings were completely comfortable, not worried, not fussed about the youngest's behavior, which told me this wasn't a new or one time thing. The mother was in tears, because everyone kept staring at her, muttering about her, or offering unhelpful advice about how they would discipline their child. I offered to take the girl, who was about two, and held her firmly the way I always did mine to soothe him,and talked to her. Her daughter has epilepsy, no other diagnosis at this point, though Mom knows something is wrong. The tantrums are too intense, her milestones are off. I explained about my son, and what he's told me now that he's older, that the sounds hurt, the florescent lights, the buzzing drives him mad, as does the light from them. The scary feeling of being overwhelmed and not feeling his body, feeling 'too light' like he's going to float away. I told her that if these things she's noticed continue, she should talk to her pediatrician. I told her as well that it gets better, that they grow out of the worst of these melt downs, and that there is help. I also told her about Nathaniel's Hope, a local respite program for kids with all kinds of chronic conditions and their siblings. And then I handed her still fussy but much calmer daughter back to her. And I told her she's not alone, and not to let the other people bother her.  I hope she listened. She did say thank you. I told her she was welcome and that I'd wished someone had done the same for me when my son was little.  Maybe some time I'll run into her at the store again.

    "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

    by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Jan 03, 2013 at 04:55:36 PM PST

    •  She may remember you for years. (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      WakeUpNeo, edrie, leu2500, FloridaSNMOM

      When I was a young and pg and near tears waiting for a bus, a woman approached me and just starting talking to me. She told me to hang on, things would get better, don't give up. She'll never know how much that helped me.

      That was 43 years ago, I've never forgotten her.

      WE NEVER FORGET Our Labor Martyrs: a project to honor the men, women and children who lost their lives in Freedom's Cause. For Dec: Life so cheap; property so sacred.

      by JayRaye on Thu Jan 03, 2013 at 06:08:57 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Thank you... (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        WakeUpNeo, JayRaye

        I hope she does, and I hope she remembers the name of the group that does respite locally. I think the break would help her. Not to mention the other services they have available.

        "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

        by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Jan 03, 2013 at 07:51:56 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  this is the first christmas eve i didn't get to do (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      FloridaSNMOM

      favorite thing - which is to go to walmart late in the day... not to shop, but to her the first little one losing it in the crowded environment.  while their parents are frazzled, i slip up, make eye contact and start singing softly,
      better not put, better not cry... better not shout, i'm telling you why...."

      from the look of sheer frustration in the kid's eyes with the unspoken reaction of "OH NO!!! it's that SONG again!!!"- but in a very few minutes, that child is all smiles and beaming and the parents look stunned!  works every year - and it is s much fun to bring a bit of magic into that frenzied situation.

      and... i like to torture litte kids!!! ;)

      •  aaaak - one-handing strikes again...hear and pout! (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        FloridaSNMOM

        can't wait for two handed typing again!

      •  I don't think that would have worked this time... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        edrie

        This wasn't a typical two year old over tired tantrum, this was a full melt down. I don't know if it has something to do with her epilepsy or if there's something else going on like my son's autism, but this kid had been screaming for about 45 minutes before it clicked in my head and I went to find them.

        "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

        by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Jan 03, 2013 at 07:47:52 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  sometimes a stranger can calm the child down, like (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          FloridaSNMOM

          you did.  it is the distraction that works. that mom was lucky you were there!

          •  Distraction and a bit of deep compression.. (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            edrie

            Kind of like a weighted vest, not hard enough to cut off air or hurt, but enough pressure to make sure she felt it and felt centered and grounded. That and I was calm and her mom wasn't, and it gave mom a chance to calm down as well. She was still upset and still crying when I handed her back, but she wasn't shrieking any longer.

            "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

            by FloridaSNMOM on Thu Jan 03, 2013 at 08:03:20 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

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