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View Diary: Civility Starts With Each and Every One of Us (128 comments)

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  •  Several reasons (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    duhban, FrankRose

    1) Well it would not occur to me to try to manipulate someone else into begging me to behave.  Since I lack that gene, I'm probably also not capable of successfully performing the reciprocal role in that sort of exchange either.
    2) I'm too busy for a prolonged pie fight.
    3) There were other people taking the opposing view who were just making passive-aggressive nonspecific remarks, and there was little chance anyone was going to change their mind when their droogs were there to egg them on.
    4) It was probably the tenth time there was a diary that was variation on that theme, I'm not going to go rushing in any time there's a semi-troll diary, because I have to worry about mundane things like keeping a roof over my head rather than chasing after dozens of people I disagree with, especially when they have little real interest in the topic to begin with.

    There’s always free cheddar in a mousetrap, baby

    by bernardpliers on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 07:29:23 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  I'm not going to argue with you in this... (9+ / 0-)

      ...particular diary, so I'll take this to Kosmail instead.

      Don't tell me what you believe, show me what you do and I will tell you what you believe.

      by Meteor Blades on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 07:33:26 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  You seem to be missing the point here. (8+ / 0-)

      The question was not really intended to be answered; it was intended to make you think about your response and question whether you might be part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

      In regard to your response, do you think your first point is perhaps a bit passive aggressive?  Being courteous and kind in a response is not the same as permitting another to manipulate you, and the person is question did not appear to be attempting to get you to beg them to behave.  Are you perhaps trying to excuse your behavior by placing the blame on the other person?

      In regard to your second point, it seems a kindler, gentler response might have been less likely to result in a pie fight.

      In regard to your third point, I have to admit it seems to me that if you're so busy you have no time to rush into semi-troll diaries, you would not have been there and would not have had the time to respond at all.

      The thing is, you can read things you disagree with or even disapprove of and simply not respond.  If you choose to respond, you can do so in a thoughtful, caring way.  It's too easy to excuse our own behavior by attacking that of someone else.  We all need to look at ourselves first, before going after others.  And yes, that includes me.  I'm working on being that kinder, gentler person, but not always succeeding.  Let's all work on ourselves together.

      "If you trust you are not critical; if you are critical you do not trust" by our own Dauphin

      by gustynpip on Fri Jan 04, 2013 at 09:26:06 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Motivation (0+ / 0-)

        This person said explicitly that they liked an article because it made people angry.  That was not an ad hominem my part - this was something that was said a couple times so I said "Hey that's wrong."

        Then they tried to claim that it wasn't irresponsible to praise it because they just praised it, but they had not written it personally. Of course, anyone could make the same argument about porn or whatever. That was basically surrender - it was feigned ignorance, which is what also what wingnuts do when they get caught saying something absurd.  At that point, the other person was merely trying to save face for his friends.  That was pretty much over, and I said "OK we're done here." That was only going to degenerate, better to let someone save face.  Maybe, just maybe,  that's why I miss all the really great pie fights people keep talking about.  

        Of course maybe I'm just too used to congratulating wingnuts for exactly that sort of behavior, because when they are congratulating themselves on irritating people I say "Thank you for all the energy you have put into killing the Republican Party.  Keep up the good work!"

        And as fair as a "passive aggressive response," it's passive aggressive when someone tries to bait others into begging them to not be irresponsible.  That is to say the passive aggressive child gets their parent to beg "Honey please do your homework so you can pass the 10th grade."  Because I decline to participate in that game does not make me the passive aggressive party.  "No means no," is not passive aggressive, its the spoil sport that cuts off the passive aggressive cycle of wankery. And for Pete's sake don't mistake that for a passive aggressive invitation to banter, because no means no. Good night.

        There’s always free cheddar in a mousetrap, baby

        by bernardpliers on Sat Jan 05, 2013 at 12:30:15 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  No, you're still not getting it. The point is to (0+ / 0-)

          NOT look at the other person and then justify your actions.  It's to look at yourself.  Just yourself.  And ask yourself - could I have handled this in a better way?  If the answer is yes, then vow to try to focus on doing it a better way the next time.

          "If you trust you are not critical; if you are critical you do not trust" by our own Dauphin

          by gustynpip on Sat Jan 05, 2013 at 07:07:44 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

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