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View Diary: He Doesn't Believe There's a"Rape Culture" (208 comments)

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  •  Nicely done, FrenchUM (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    TiaRachel, GreenMother, Leftleaner

    It is something we men need reminding of from time to time, even those of us who profess to a more enlightened views.
    I would only add a note that I sounds frequently: With the truth of what you are saying, why are there not more women pounding the issue as you are doing? We find them here at DK, other places not so much. I mean, wouldn't it be an interesting (and I think more pleasant) country if Women's rights were accorded the same absolutism that 'gun rights' owners feel for their waepons? Just a thought. . .

    An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head. -- Eric Hoffer

    by MichiganChet on Tue Jan 15, 2013 at 08:21:03 AM PST

    •  I love you MichiganChet! (6+ / 0-)

      I'll muse about why more women aren't pounding the issue. There are a lot of issues embedded in my diary, I realize that.
      Here are some ideas about the kind of ground that grows a rape culture and produces Rapists.

      1)It's that whole paradigm thing.  A lot of women are stuck in an idea that someone has to be on top and someone has to be underneath, that that's the way the world is.  Men and women can't be side by side some of the time, on top or on bottom other times.

      2)Women(everyone in my generation) who are raised to believe their job is to take care of men don't have adequate experiences of themselves being taken care of.  Many women who say they adore their fathers also report their fathers never listened to them or seemed to value them.  So the idea of growing up, learning the finances, learning to to do house repairs, learning to do what (again in my generation) was considered the "man's job" doesn't look all that attractive to a lot of women.  They want to be taken care of, too.

      Couple that with a man who doesn't want to have to learn to cook because his mother always did that for him and we've got two people who don't want to grow up, don't want autonomy, and seem happy to settle into a social construct and bitch about it once in a while but never seriously challenge it.

      3)Certain religious types believe there is a "female nature" designed by God, the FATHER, who knows all about women.  Their world would collapse and they would go to hell if they challenged it.

      4) Women are afraid A Man won't love them if they are too bright, too brave, too autonomous.  Again, possibly, hopefully more my generation's mindset.

      5)Since women have had second class status since history began and since it's only been in the last few centuries that significant inroads have been made into the patriarchal mindset, there is a lot of anxiety involved in pushing the kind of changes a lot of us want to see.  And we're pushing against huge blocks of power.  That takes a lot of guts.

      I love it that more and more men have figured out that women's rights are about everyone's rights. Everyone wins but everyone has to give up something, too.  Change is hard and slow.

      Thanks for your contribution

      •  The feeling is mutual. . .and here is why (1+ / 0-)
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        Because not only am I interested in having an equal, not a vassal, as a partner/friend/colleague/lover. .  .but I was raised by a single mom, and guess what? I have recently become a single parent dad to my daughter. Whom I love deeply and don't ever want to be a second class citizen. So you know what? Thanks for the points about listening to and valuing her, which I try to do.
            It's that thing about 'half the sky'. Or let me be more explicit: Half the Sky

        An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head. -- Eric Hoffer

        by MichiganChet on Tue Jan 15, 2013 at 04:48:39 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Comment that's been going around twitter: (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      GreenMother, MichiganChet
      “There’s really no such thing as the ‘voiceless.’ There are only the deliberately silenced, or the preferably unheard” - Arundhati Roy
      Actually, I do see this topic discussed in several places online, many more than just a few years ago. And I actually saw a commercial the other day in which getting the punchline depended on understanding (& making fun of) mansplaining.

      But there's lots of pushback on the topic, especially for women.

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