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View Diary: I won a tiny battle against a racist tonight. (154 comments)

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  •  I'm in Brooklyn too (36+ / 0-)

    Gave up a friendship of over 40 years because my former friend posted a nasty Obama message and photo (it was nastier than what you posted).  I didn't want to lose her friendship over this and nicely asked her not to send me any anti Obama jokes or pictures and she decided not to email or call me at all.  I reached out once, the Thanksgiving after her Mom had passed away, but she never contacted me.  We had lost touch for many years until we were brought back together by a Web Site someone started for the neighborhood we grew up in also in Brooklyn but I didn't realize that she was a racist and a tea party supporter as well.

    Never be afraid to voice your opinion and fight for it . Corporations aren't people, they're Republicans (Rev Al Sharpton 10/7/2011)

    by Rosalie907 on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 06:20:53 PM PST

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    •  I, like you gave up a friendship today over (34+ / 0-)

      a Facebook post.  First time I've ever unfriended someone.  My cousin.  My cousin who's five days younger than me.  The only one close to my age.  I've withheld responding from his previous horrid posts, but it was awful today, I just couldn't.  I didn't use the finesse the diarist did, but thought I was pretty restrained considering what was written. But the reaction I received, complete with name calling, made my decision very easy.  I was kind of depressed all day as a result of the original post; now that I've unfriended him, I'm feeling much better.

      "If you trust you are not critical; if you are critical you do not trust" by our own Dauphin

      by gustynpip on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 06:30:07 PM PST

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      •  My cousin Amy's husband (5+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        kcc, wishingwell, liz dexic, fumie, glorificus

        Several times has made his dislike for President Obama known to me and each time Amy has pinched him on his leg.  I have a couple of family members who are anti Obama but when they bring him up I tell them "no politics" because I don't want to have disagreements with family members.  

        Never be afraid to voice your opinion and fight for it . Corporations aren't people, they're Republicans (Rev Al Sharpton 10/7/2011)

        by Rosalie907 on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 06:44:29 PM PST

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      •  Sometimes (10+ / 0-)

        Sometimes it seems like the just the thought of losing a person can cause so much unhappiness.  But then you let go, and realize it isn't the loss -- it was the person.

        I'm still going to hope this weird fever dream passes someday and your cousin comes to his/her senses, because who doesn't love a happy ending?  

        But I'm glad you were able to rid yourself of that stress.

        •  My sister and I unfriended several cousins over (13+ / 0-)

          some of their hateful or judgmental Facebook comments over the past few years. But then again, these cousins have ignored us since our parents died and we became outcasts like another set of cousins once our parents died.  I guess once our parents died, ie their aunts and uncles, they did not feel obligated to have much to do with us or talk to us. These cousins who we unfriended have always been bitter and nasty because we went to college and they did not.

          Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

          by wishingwell on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 07:09:24 PM PST

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          •  Know from your past comments (6+ / 0-)

            and recs you have endured the same sort of garbage as we have.  

            It's like they loose their moral compass once an elder dies.

            I think it is because there is also an authoritarian streak in them and they think everyone has to conform to a similar code of belief.  

            What I have never 'gotten' is why one can't talk about 'politics' in a respectful fashion.  For some reason any variance of opinion means the topic is forbidden.  A pall descends.

            If the talk is respectful and reasoned, not insulting name calling; there is no reason why one shouldn't be able to express one's opinion.  And sit down for dinner pleasantly the following night.  

            Reasoned dissension is not allowed in many worlds.  It is a microcosm of the larger picture playing out in the search for power and control.  

            BTW - It is one of many reasons we do not participate in Facebook.  We don't give them another opportunity to hurt.  

            Hang in there -----  

            •  We also discovered Mom and Dad were the voice (3+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              PinHole, Shotput8, glorificus

              of reason in the family with their nieces, nephews, siblings and even some of their friends. As we discovered some of our parents' friends were a bit unbalanced. Mom and Dad would try to help people and be friends with those with many problems and issues.  
              But they listened to my parents and held them in high regard. They are not going to do the same with my parents' kids. although we are in our 50s, we are still kids to their friends, sibilings and really nobody to the cousins.

              Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

              by wishingwell on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 09:49:37 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

              •  Boy did you hit a nerve (2+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                glorificus, wishingwell
                as although we are in our 50s, we are still kids to their friends, siblings and really nobody to the cousins.
                A good friend gave me a bit of insight as to what it meant to have an older sibling, when we were in the most acrimonious part of dealing with Mr P's siblings.  One sister is 20 yrs older, another 10 yrs older.

                This friend pointed out to me that neither would ever consider Mr P worthy of consideration or knowledge -- after all they had changed his diapers!  Sort of funny, but then when it was followed by "Mother always liked you best!"  by the eldest during the fracturing apart, it ceases to be funny.  Ouch!!!  

                Jealousy?  Resentment?  

                •  Yes exactly, my husband sees that with his sisters (2+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  kcc, PinHole

                  at times because they are quite a bit older than him. My mohter being the oldest of 5, I think that is why they held her in such regard and they would not get tito arguments with her.

                  Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

                  by wishingwell on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 09:13:25 AM PST

                  [ Parent ]

            •  "Politics is not for Polite Company" (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              kcc, PinHole

              So consequently, we've left political discourse up to the IMpolite.

              And look where that's gotten us.

              How does the Republican Congress sit down with all the butthurt over taxing the wealthy?

              by athenap on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 07:32:35 AM PST

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          •  Most of my cousins are the same way. One reaches (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:

            out and they act like you owe them something yet chitter chatter with people they don't know.  It makes me wonder why cousins not raised with other cousins act like the one who is reaching out is barking up the wrong family tree?  My life is content and I never needed or asked anything of them so what's their problem?  I assume a clan mentality allows them to believe they are the best of all the branches.  

            •  My aunt having 17 kids in 20 yrs had a lot to do (4+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              marina, Shotput8, dwayne, glorificus

              with our family dynamic.  Those cousins have this huge family and act like bullies to the rest of us cousins. They think they run the family and the town and they are often crass, rude, and nasty. I think some of it was survival, they had to be tough in that big family and outspoken, blunt or get ignored.

              But my aunt with all the kids was Mom;s only sister and she worshipped her older sister, my mother.  After Mom died, she more or less turned into someone I no longer recognized. See Mom would be her source of emotional support and keep her on kilter and not put up with her antics.

              Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

              by wishingwell on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 09:53:12 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

      •  I'm not sure there are many families (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        kcc, liz dexic, PinHole, glorificus

        who haven't been through this. My 87 year old mom had to tell a nephew recently that they needed to just agree to disagree on gun regulation. I've had similar issues with him and others.

        Over the years I've found what kcc has suggested can also happen. People mellow, sometimes realize they were misinformed, overzealous, etc. Maybe they get to the point of being virtual outcasts. Whatever, it may be the cousin will grow out of this in the future.

        Meanwhile you have done what is recommended for stress management. Avoid or terminate relationships that create too much stress. Especially in this day and age, we don't need any more.

        "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone. " Audrey Hepburn "A Beautiful Woman"

        by Ginny in CO on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 07:05:14 PM PST

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      •  This is the very reason I don't do facebook. (1+ / 0-)
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    •  One out of every sixty-nine people born in (5+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      kcc, liz dexic, PinHole, fumie, wintergreen8694

      the US was born in Brooklyn (according to the NYT, a few years ago).

      I'm struggling w/the same thing, friends for many years sending racist crap.  I will learn from KCC.

    •  Sadly, I'm finding that a lot (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      glorificus, kcc, Joe Bob

      Facebook did a wonderful job of reuniting me with people from school, some I haven't seen as far back as 5th grade.  Unfortunately a shocking number of them turned out to be teabagger wingnuts with OBS who rail all day long at immigrants, etc.   Sometimes I'll argue with one until they break down and admit they're racist ("I always did have a problem with the blacks," actual quote).

      It's disappointing that instead of catching up with me and my classmates and filling me in on themselves, they instead use their energy to email-bomb me with "scary Muslim born in Kenya" bullshit.  I have way too many of those in my life without digging up another one.  

      “Nice country you got here. Shame if something were to happen to it” --the GOP philosophy to governing as described by Paul Krugman

      by dwayne on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 07:26:10 AM PST

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      •  OBS=ODS (0+ / 0-)

        ...or maybe I meant ODS BS.

        “Nice country you got here. Shame if something were to happen to it” --the GOP philosophy to governing as described by Paul Krugman

        by dwayne on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 07:28:39 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

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