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View Diary: I won a tiny battle against a racist tonight. (154 comments)

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  •  My sister and I unfriended several cousins over (13+ / 0-)

    some of their hateful or judgmental Facebook comments over the past few years. But then again, these cousins have ignored us since our parents died and we became outcasts like another set of cousins once our parents died.  I guess once our parents died, ie their aunts and uncles, they did not feel obligated to have much to do with us or talk to us. These cousins who we unfriended have always been bitter and nasty because we went to college and they did not.

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    by wishingwell on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 07:09:24 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  Know from your past comments (6+ / 0-)

      and recs you have endured the same sort of garbage as we have.  

      It's like they loose their moral compass once an elder dies.

      I think it is because there is also an authoritarian streak in them and they think everyone has to conform to a similar code of belief.  

      What I have never 'gotten' is why one can't talk about 'politics' in a respectful fashion.  For some reason any variance of opinion means the topic is forbidden.  A pall descends.

      If the talk is respectful and reasoned, not insulting name calling; there is no reason why one shouldn't be able to express one's opinion.  And sit down for dinner pleasantly the following night.  

      Reasoned dissension is not allowed in many worlds.  It is a microcosm of the larger picture playing out in the search for power and control.  

      BTW - It is one of many reasons we do not participate in Facebook.  We don't give them another opportunity to hurt.  

      Hang in there -----  

      •  We also discovered Mom and Dad were the voice (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        PinHole, Shotput8, glorificus

        of reason in the family with their nieces, nephews, siblings and even some of their friends. As we discovered some of our parents' friends were a bit unbalanced. Mom and Dad would try to help people and be friends with those with many problems and issues.  
        But they listened to my parents and held them in high regard. They are not going to do the same with my parents' kids. although we are in our 50s, we are still kids to their friends, sibilings and really nobody to the cousins.

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        by wishingwell on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 09:49:37 PM PST

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        •  Boy did you hit a nerve (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          glorificus, wishingwell
          as although we are in our 50s, we are still kids to their friends, siblings and really nobody to the cousins.
          A good friend gave me a bit of insight as to what it meant to have an older sibling, when we were in the most acrimonious part of dealing with Mr P's siblings.  One sister is 20 yrs older, another 10 yrs older.

          This friend pointed out to me that neither would ever consider Mr P worthy of consideration or knowledge -- after all they had changed his diapers!  Sort of funny, but then when it was followed by "Mother always liked you best!"  by the eldest during the fracturing apart, it ceases to be funny.  Ouch!!!  

          Jealousy?  Resentment?  

          •  Yes exactly, my husband sees that with his sisters (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            kcc, PinHole

            at times because they are quite a bit older than him. My mohter being the oldest of 5, I think that is why they held her in such regard and they would not get tito arguments with her.

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            by wishingwell on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 09:13:25 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

      •  "Politics is not for Polite Company" (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        kcc, PinHole

        So consequently, we've left political discourse up to the IMpolite.

        And look where that's gotten us.

        How does the Republican Congress sit down with all the butthurt over taxing the wealthy?

        by athenap on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 07:32:35 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Most of my cousins are the same way. One reaches (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      out and they act like you owe them something yet chitter chatter with people they don't know.  It makes me wonder why cousins not raised with other cousins act like the one who is reaching out is barking up the wrong family tree?  My life is content and I never needed or asked anything of them so what's their problem?  I assume a clan mentality allows them to believe they are the best of all the branches.  

      •  My aunt having 17 kids in 20 yrs had a lot to do (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        marina, Shotput8, dwayne, glorificus

        with our family dynamic.  Those cousins have this huge family and act like bullies to the rest of us cousins. They think they run the family and the town and they are often crass, rude, and nasty. I think some of it was survival, they had to be tough in that big family and outspoken, blunt or get ignored.

        But my aunt with all the kids was Mom;s only sister and she worshipped her older sister, my mother.  After Mom died, she more or less turned into someone I no longer recognized. See Mom would be her source of emotional support and keep her on kilter and not put up with her antics.

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        by wishingwell on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 09:53:12 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

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