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View Diary: We Lost Another One: Gay Oregon teen hangs himself on school playground after bullying (105 comments)

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  •  I'm too tired for words. (32+ / 0-)

    It's gotten to the point in my circle of college and high school friends that I can just about flip a coin whether or not upon reconnecting with a friend who is QUILTBAG I will be told (a) they've been suicidal since we parted years ago or (b) they were suicidal while we were buddies.

    And as with Jadin, it's been the people who kept the rest of us together, the people we'd have all thought were immune to even mild depression. One didn't even notice zie (gender obscured for privacy) was keeping other people emotionally glued together - zie was too busy trying to stay alive and hiding the pain to notice.

    (And that's leaving out my dealings with the asexual community online - where nearly everyone's seen what our reported lifetime suicidal ideation stats currently are and no one talks about it and people tiptoe around the issue and certainly never ask who is part of the statistic because the rate's so damn high and so many people have other risk factors, the trans* aces especially, that you never know who has or who is or who's a few hours of idle thought on a bad day from joining the 'has considered suicide to the point of asking how they'd do it' statistic.)

    I hate this. And I hate the way people still keep acting like they can shame people out of being who they are when it never works at all and demonstrably kills!

    Prayers and best wishes to those in Japan.

    by Cassandra Waites on Tue Jan 29, 2013 at 03:17:46 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  The goal of bullying is not to "shame" people (15+ / 0-)

      out of being who they are. Bullying is an "ethnic cleansing" type of action aimed at exterminating people who are different from the bully. Often it takes the form of gender policing, but any difference can be the target.

      All bullying is a hate crime, and children need to be taught that it will not be tolerated. True, bullies usually have fathers who are bullies, and the reason the problem of bullying seems intractable is that adult bullying is sacrosanct in this society, since adult bullies make useful "enforcers" for our social institutions. You have an entire cis-het civilization which is founded on intimidation and extermination of difference; childhood bullying is just one manifestation of that.

      •  I agree, to a point. (6+ / 0-)

        There is all kinds of bullying, someone can be bullied for being fat, skinny, wearing glasses, not being athletic, being shy, etc., anything that makes the person appear "different". Yes, when the bullying is based on perceived homosexuality, it becomes a hate-crime. But I think we have to not just address bullying against gays, I think we need to address bullying itself, the mindset and behavior that leads to any bullying. Schools are just too damn tolerant of kids picking on other kids. A lot of this stuff isn't hidden, it's seen by teachers and administrators. The attitude of "kids will be kids" has got to change.

        •  And if we don't address it all, the bullies (0+ / 0-)

          will just claim one of the allowed justifications.

          I got in trouble for being called 'gay' by classmates that really bad year. The teacher did nothing against them, but I needed a real talking-to for asking what the word they'd all called me meant. The accusation was not in any way accurate, nor were there signs that it could have been.

          The groups that want to carve out an anti-gay exemption in bullying legislation don't care or don't get that any bully in a district where a particular target class has no protection by statute will immediately claim all targets are part of that target class.

          I've been called fat and too skinny at the same weight in the space of a week. I was partly thinking of that when I made my comment -- there's been a recent renewal of the push to shame pudgy kids thin recently, and some of the bloggers who cover body image issues online are quite concerned about it right now.

          I think eyeglasses and other functioning aids are about the only target class designator that can't be twisted that way, because the designation requires possession of an object and therefore people can't be folded into the target class.

          Prayers and best wishes to those in Japan.

          by Cassandra Waites on Wed Jan 30, 2013 at 09:49:03 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

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