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  •  You don't have to forgive (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Chrislove, Cassandra Waites

    to let go and move on.

    This freedom has been one of the choicer liberties of my maturity. It's radical, seditious, not to "work on forgiving others." It's seriously at-odds, both with the teachings of authoritarian religions, and with society's folk wisdom. You never have to forgive that awful teacher. If you never do, that relationship can still be perfectly whole, perfectly healed.

    On the other hand, with time and hindsight, and realizing more about an abusive situation that you did at the time, you may find that you DO forgive other people involved. Many times, in regard to past abuse, I've found myself thinking things like these:

    "So-and-so had no more power than you did. They were acting to save their own skin--as you would have done in their situation."

    "So-and-so was awfully frightened."

    "So-and-so was really doing the very best they could in the situation, believe it or not."

    Understanding what you can about past or current bad situations, is mandatory, in my book. Forgiving abusers (and I use the term loosely) is not, but it sometimes happens spontaneously.

    It's here they got the range/ and the machinery for change/ and it's here they got the spiritual thirst. --Leonard Cohen

    by karmsy on Wed Jan 30, 2013 at 07:42:48 AM PST

    [ Parent ]

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