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View Diary: KosAbility Special: Our Broken Mental Health System – One Case Study (65 comments)

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  •  He's doing a lot better (12+ / 0-)

    He's 17 now. He's also home schooled because it got to the point where I was going to lose my job and fail out of school because of time missed for IEP meetings several times a week to try and get him set up for middle school. They wanted to take away all his supports because academically he was fine. Never mind he couldn't even handle the tour of the school without having a melt down. For us, home schooling was the best option.

    I think one of the things that really annoyed me, was, if you asked for help, DCFS would open an investigation. And then, the first thing they wanted you to do was take parenting classes. These parenting classes may help parents of typical kids, but even the teachers would tell us they were next to useless for special needs kids. They never had any good advice for us. Putting a child in time out has the opposite of the desired effect if you have to practically sit on the child to keep them there. What we couldn't get through those people's heads was it wasn't bad parenting. It was autism, odd, and adhd with their related sensory issues. So not only did we feel like there was NO support or help, but we felt discriminated against as well.

    "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

    by FloridaSNMOM on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 04:40:20 PM PST

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    •  Grrr, IEPs (14+ / 0-)

      were thorns in my side.  And parenting classes were useless and took time I didn't have to spare.  They had nothing to offer for our situation.  The school system made things harder.  Once, I caught the school psychologist actually following us in a grocery store.  They had all the medical reports, doctor's reports and referrals, I offered them everything yet here they were following us, because what the doctors said wasn't convenient for them. And yes, they are convinced you are a bad parent.

      I'm so very happy to hear your son is doing better.  I home schooled my daughter later and it worked out so well for us.  It was a wonderful experience.  I wish I could have done that with my son.  I'm delighted that it is working out for you!  Hugs.

      You are my brother, my sister.

      by RoCali on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 04:53:04 PM PST

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      •  ((hugs back)) (8+ / 0-)

        I'm glad things worked out as well as they did for you and yours as well. We also have a younger daughter (she's almost 10), and trying to keep her safe and healthy has been a priority as well. Though her brother has never intentionally hurt her beyond the typical "he pushed me" stuff. It was us, the parents who were the injured ones. But we really pushed through the whole pregnancy that his job was to be his younger sibling's protector. He takes that job seriously, we essentially used his love of routines against him there, but it worked.
        With home schooling he was less stressed, and as he got older and gained a bit of inhibition control, and with the work we've done with him over the years therapy wise, he's improved a great deal. He still has some anger issues, but they've remained verbal the past few years, rather than physical. And at this point, I honestly can't bring myself to care if he's swearing at me. He's not breaking bones or giving me concussions any longer.

        "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

        by FloridaSNMOM on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 05:01:36 PM PST

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        •  And, isn't having to explain (6+ / 0-)

          to the medical professionals how your 2 y.o. broke your face, your 5 y.o. broke your hand, your 7 y.o. broke your ribs, etc., the worst feeling? You're just so relieved when it stops, it's amazing what you're happy to put up with after that.  I'm so happy you're no longer being hurt that way!  When you don't feel safe at home, you really have no where to turn.  It's not a pleasant way to live.

          You are my brother, my sister.

          by RoCali on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 05:13:23 PM PST

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          •  He once (9+ / 0-)

            bit my breast while I was trying to get him into the car, to the point he drew blood. I actually went to his pediatrician for treatment because I was afraid of the reaction at the ER. I had him in a basket hold at the time, and he turned his head and bit the easiest place for him to reach. His pediatrician understood, bandaged me up and put me on antibiotics. I was afraid the ER would try and have me arrested for child abuse or molestation because of the location of the bite.

            And yes, it's not pleasant at all to live like that. And what do you do when it's your kid causing it? If it's a spouse or partner you can leave, it's hard but it can be done. When it's a kid, what do you do? You can't just leave. You can't find help, for them or for yourself. And when you do try to get help, it gets turned around to be all your fault and you end up dealing with DCFS and court, and police, and everything else they can think of to make your life and that of your family more difficult.

            "Madness! Total and complete madness! This never would've happened if the humans hadn't started fighting one another!" Londo Mollari

            by FloridaSNMOM on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 05:22:25 PM PST

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            •  Being accused of abuse was (8+ / 0-)

              one of my biggest fears.  A couple of times, he had histrionics in public and the police were called.  I gave them his doctor's number, and they did go interview him, but gads.  There were many visits to ERs between his injuries and mine.  I was trying to spread them out because I feared that so much.  And they always bite what's convenient, don't they?  My son got me in the neck once, while I was trying to restrain him.   The looks the medical staff give you are a cross between pity and suspicion.  

              Once Jon was admitted to the hospital and more came out, his doctor there had to report to CPS, who showed up at the hospital with the police.  They did interviews with my son, my daughter, all of us separately.  It was horrible.  At the end, they said since I had already removed him from the home, it would go no further.  I understand the need to protect children, but they knew before the interview that he was out of the home and my daughter was safe.  At that point, it felt a bit sadistic.

              You are my brother, my sister.

              by RoCali on Sun Feb 17, 2013 at 05:37:51 PM PST

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