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View Diary: Worst Funeral, Ever. (112 comments)

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  •  A long-time co-worker recently lost her (31+ / 0-)

    young college student son - age 22.  Sudden death. Roommate found him in bed not breathing. Paramedics resuscitated him, but in the hospital he was brain dead so life support was discontinued once the family could gather.

    Neither the mother (my co-worker), the father, nor any of the children were very religious.  Due to the many friends and family, the services were moved from the small funeral chapel to a large, nearly mega-type, church.  

    This necessitated a change (for whatever reason) from funeral home's "regular" minister for less-religious families to a junior minister from the near-mega-church. (sanctuary held several hundred)

    Long story short, this young minister, maybe 30 at most, was possibly THE worst minister at a funeral that I have ever seen. He seemed to have zero command of the language.  Everything was "blown away."

    "The family is blown away by the presence of so many friends and family." "The love for their son would just blow you away."  "We're blown away by the sadness of this death."  Yadda yadda yadda, every third word was "blown away."  

    Then he started to proselytize. The audience contained people from many religions and many other countries, including a good number of Jewish and Muslim mourners.

    "If John was here today, he'd tell you he was sitting at the hand of JESUS and tell you that ONLY through JESUS will you too be SAVED!"   "John was so religious, and so dutiful in his Bible studies" (no he wasn't -- rarely did either he or his parents ever go to church)  "John would want you all to know about his lifelong LOVE for JESUS! And to join him today ... blah blah blah"    (no, that's not true either)

    It was very offensive, even to raised-as-Methodist-me.  It was just a long hard push for that particular brand of religion with zero connection to the family, or the deceased. In fact, it was all a pack of lies.

    So, what I'm saying is, don't feel too bad about all the JESUSY stuff and all the churchy people.  That's the way they are.  They're not doing it out of consideration for anyone else.  They're doing it because that's the way they behave, all the time.  If a minister will tell enormous lies about a person's faith at that person's funeral, well, they'll pretty much do anything.

    HUGS and my condolences again for your loss. It's difficult doing these awkward things with a bunch of people you don't know and a strange belief system (seemingly disconnected from all reality) that you don't share.

    It sounds like you got through it OK and skipping the thing at the pastor's house was probably a really good idea.  

    take care!

    "The law is meant to be my servant and not my master, still less my torturer and my murderer." -- James Baldwin. July 11, 1966.

    by YucatanMan on Sat Mar 02, 2013 at 01:31:20 AM PST

    •  well that just blows me away (10+ / 0-)

      that he did that. Lord have mercy. But this does point out that people who live in that environment talk a certain way. An regional accent as it were. Here you know who goes to church where because they always talk about being blessed or blessed or in response to ANYthing from banging up you kneww to losing a few dollars on the stock market "I'll pray for you." If it wasn't so forced on me I'd tolerate it better.

    •  My mom's memorial got all Jesusy (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      YucatanMan, liberalagogo, Bronx59

      and she would have HATED it. Her service was conducted by the pastor of my sister's Baptist church and not by the pastor of the little Methodist church that she and my dad had joined when the Southern Baptist Church went all fundamentalist on them. The preacher talked about how my mom tithed  faithfully and then went on and on about how you needed to accept Jesus or GO TO HELL for eternity.  The preacher practically had an altar call.  One of my brothers is married to a Jewish woman and they have three great Jewish kids, one who served in the IDF.  My mom and dad never preached to Judy or their grandkids.  Their being Jewish was fine with them.  What the preacher did not mention is how athletic my mom was, how she used to roller-skate from West Union to Seneca and back during the War (17 miles round trip!), about how very kind she was, how much she loved animals and found beauty in ordinary things.  Her pastor would have been so much better.

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