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View Diary: Worst Funeral, Ever. (112 comments)

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  •  Funerals... (32+ / 0-)

    My husband/soul mate died four months ago after a long battle with cancer.  Funny, the last few months I stressed over the funeral and what to do.  I have several very religious family members, with the brother most likely to do prayers and the like a born again Christian... Hubby hated formal religion and especially anything extreme.

    lMore than anything, I did not want a service like what the writer described, overlaid with religion.  Still, the therapist at the Cancer Center told me that some sort of service would be important for "me".. and to please not skip the ritual.  

    Blessing happened, I met the Chaplin at the hospice house, and in talking to him told him I still hadn't decided what to do, mainly stressing about who would do the service.  He said that he could do it.  He even met my brother, and later told me he understood what I was worried about.  

    Service was perfect.  Not too much, but not offensive to my family who had been very supportive of me through the ordeal.  Cremation, no flowers, my son played Morning has Broken on his guitar... very causal visiting prior to service, and we all left the funeral home for beer and pizza afterwards at a local pub.  

    I'm so glad I held true to my husband and myself and did something he would have been comfortable with, instead of the traditional stuff.

    •  My brother was a Mormon. (8+ / 0-)

      The entire service was a conversion attempt.

      Totally unbelievable.

      The highest form of spiritual practice is self observation with compassion.

      by NCJim on Sat Mar 02, 2013 at 01:38:27 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  My Mom was a lapsed catholic (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Creosote, Tennessee Dave, Bronx59

        Her funeral was 50 miles from home (long story), so her sister arranged the funeral mass. Unfortunately, the normal priest, who (a) was not insane and (b) knew the family, was called away and we got stuck with a substitute who knew nothing about us. He spent the entire service ranting against right wing tropes, including liberals (not knowing my mother was a left of left lefty, along with everyone else in the room) and Castro's Cuba, and communist indoctrination of children in our schools, and how the US was going to hell in a hand basket.

        Needless to say, it wasn't really the cathartic ritual we needed in the moment.

    •  The secret is to plan the funeral yourself (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      dotdash2u, JWC, Bronx59

      I grew up in a parsonage but am not very religious anymore.  But I knew my parent's funerals would be mostly attended by the religiously devout, I knew better than to fight it.  But I did get in one dig.  My mother was an excellent New Deal Democrat.  But because she never talked politics with her religious friends, most of them thought because she was so devout, she must have been one of those Christian nuts.

      So at the funeral, I assigned myself the task of doing the obituary / tribute.  I got to shock those right-wing fundies by telling them what a good liberal my mother was.  I said, "My mother was in fact, MUCH more liberal than I.  She was so liberal she actually believed there might be Republicans in heaven."  In amongst the shocked gasps was heard the sound of my friends desperately trying to keep from laughing (too hard.)

      I have discovered that if you want a certain funeral outcome, nothing beats organizing it.  And you would be surprised how easy it is to get your siblings to go along.  If you get creative, a well-done funeral can destroy a lot of demons.  And if the funeral is not tragic, by all means, have fun, tell jokes, and make new friends.

      •  Agree... (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Bronx59

        Actually, planning it myself ... worked out really well.  My brothers all thought it was fine, and my friends... cried that it went so well.  I had the one brother who was liberal and I trusted do the tribute... and he talked about a conversation he had with Steve right before he died... about black holes, the universe, and religion in universal sense.  Wonderful.

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