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View Diary: Worst Funeral, Ever. (112 comments)

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  •  My best friend, ex-lover, former business partner (9+ / 0-)

    shot himself in the head 4 years ago.  It's taken me this long to forgive him for it, to deal with the depression, to deal with all of it, and everything you think you'd feel if you were a survivor of a loved one's suicide.  But this is not the story I want to tell now.

    He'd taken care of everything before he pulled the trigger, including his "final wishes".  He wanted his ashes scattered at sea, but naturally, the company with whom he'd made arrangements and had a contract was no longer in business.  A very nice individual had taken over.

    So on the day we scattered his ashes, about 40 of us piled on to a ratty old boat which was terrifically underpowered, and which vented choking exhaust fumes back into boat.

    The person who was conducting the service, a very nice individual, who did not know anything about my friend, was doing a very Jesusy service.  I was pretty distraught, so I remember not a word of it, except that she talked for half and hour, and the word "Jesus" was mentioned approximately 100 times.  When she finally stopped, and we were all dropping our flowers into the prop wash while avoiding suffocation from the engine exhaust, I thanked for her for her kindness, but said that my friend was a Jewish atheist.  And then this individual, who I'd thought was so nice, unleashed a Jesus rant on me and the poor trapped people on the boat that lasted at least 20 minutes.  I'll spare you the particulars, but let me just say that she made her thoughts on atheists, Jews, and atheistic Jews, clear.  

    There's no point to this story.  Except to tell you that I relate.

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