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View Diary: *New Day* - This Week In American Indian News: NVRA; Marriage Equality; Education; Sports; Okiciyap (123 comments)

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  •  I can honestly say . . . (13+ / 0-)

    that it was the rawest, most abrasive thing I've ever written. Ever.

    I guess it needed to get out.

    Authentic Native American silverwork, jewelry, photography, and other art here.

    by Aji on Mon Mar 18, 2013 at 08:40:59 AM PDT

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    •  {{{{{{{{{{ Aji }}}}}}}}}} (9+ / 0-)

      I could not comment there. Nothing I could have written would have come anywhere close to expressing the profound emotions I felt reading those words.

      If we are going to live at the speed of code, we need to remember the stillness of eternity. -- dharmasyd

      by Darryl House on Mon Mar 18, 2013 at 09:10:39 AM PDT

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    •  Like Darryl, I couldn't ... (7+ / 0-)

      ...comment either.  Reading your diary, my body just shut down, as did hers.   It is my story, but it is in reverse.  I grew up as an only child being showered with love, praise, and the feeling that I could do anything I wanted in life.  Although he was an alcoholic, my Father raised me with the attitude that:

      Little girls like to climb trees just as much as little boys.  If you want to do something, sweetheart, go right ahead and do it. You can do it!
       

      Raised this way, i grew up with a strong sense of self worth, competence, and confidence.  It wasn't until I entered graduate school at UCB, that I first experienced 'objectification, that I was told I needed to live as someone else's property; or I probably would not find a 'decent' life at all.

      My strong self confidence led me, in those days in my 20s, to ridicule the narrow minded, authoritarian bigots who believed they were the guardians of the "correct status quo" by denying me my rights because I was a woman with pretensions to being an intellectual, instead of JUST getting married, having children, and raising a family.  That was what I was supposed to do.  That was what all, almost all, women were supposed to do.

      It is too long a tale to tell how my self worth and refusal to accept a demeaning position has led to today.

      Now, at 80, I'm continuously put down by the senior community where I live. with words like:

      Shut up, Sydney.  Sit down.  Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.  You're not making any sense.
      I have been bullied by many people here, not all, but many, for 17 years now. When I try to verbalize this, people act like only kids or teenagers are bullied. I have pretty much just retreated into my apartment.  I almost never go to meetings.  I don't go to their parties or social events.  I don't even go the the large screen movies shown.  I'm a hermit, driven here by outrageous bullying.  The misogynists, the false egotists, and the small minded have won.  I'm 80; I can't fight anymore.  I don't want to fight anymore.

      I can hear so many questions you might ask -- why don't you move, why don't you make other friends, why don't you start over somehow, and more -- all paths I have traveled down and asked myself.

      Please don't feel sorry for me.  I have my own inner happiness; that has become my refuge.  I only ask that you don't judge me and don't suggest solutions which are obvious and I've probably already explored.

      Please just keep accepting me as dharmasyd!  Thank you all.

      "The war against Bradley Manning is a war against us all." Chris Hedges

      by dharmasyd on Mon Mar 18, 2013 at 02:04:47 PM PDT

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