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View Diary: Rape: Anonymous but Silenced No More (142 comments)

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  •  It's maybe impossible for a man to really (8+ / 0-)

    understand how much pressure women are subjected to when it comes to ignoring our fears.

    And unless you have been raped yourself you have no business judging how this woman handled herself.

    Poverty = politics.

    by Renee on Sun Mar 17, 2013 at 07:48:35 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  The other thing that I think it's hard for men to (16+ / 0-)

      understand (or maybe admit to) is how common the experience is of having a drunk male friend kiss or grope us without provocation or consent, but then actually back off when told to. The cab riding behavior may seem like this huge flashing warning bell to male readers, but it's not that atypical. The getting out is a little less typical, but not all that weird either. I know I've had experiences that were similar but that ended with me able to successfully talk down the drunken man. We all want to believe people we know are essentially decent people. Most of the time we're right. The times when we're wrong are not on us; they're on the person who failed to be a decent person.

      I also can't believe that in a post discussing an acquaintance rape, there are any comments criticizing why the survivor made her choices instead of commending her bravery or discussing how to fix the structural issues that she raised.

    •  it's not impossible I'm a man and I've known (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Renee, evilstorm, LilithGardener

      rape victims both women and men. The women were friends and talked about it  eventually ( I felt honored by that trust) but in the case of men it was in jails and absolutely no one talked about being raped. But it was usually no secret especially when people knew whose cell they were assigned to and his (or their) history.

      A long time ago I turned 19 in a Texas jail (1969) and rape was a big fear but I managed better than some other young kids thrown in a tank with seriously violent criminals. It was a time of non stop nervousness but years later when I first listened to a girl friend tell me her story late one night I could relate. It wasn't the same but I could understand better than she knew at the time. I just let her talk and cry and tell me the story.
       A lot of it was the same, try to see what you can do in the moment to try and talk it thru, work with what you got to talk it down, try to limit the pain and hope you survive, but I have never ever heard a man talk about being raped. I've seen the results tho from stunned looks on their faces to their stained jumpsuit, bruises with stories to the guards that they got them when they fell off their bunk, to the guy my age that one day when I was being transfered to another tank (for fighting aka keeping from being raped myself) I called in goodbye to his cell as I passed and he was just sitting on a top bunk and howling like a wolf.  Lost it.

      without the ants the rainforest dies

      by aliasalias on Sun Mar 17, 2013 at 11:35:32 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Thank you for writing this. It's not impossible. (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        LilithGardener, aliasalias

        But you yourself were in some pretty marginalized situations to gain that understanding. And we live in a culture which denies men the ability to talk about their fears. It's a goddamned mess.

        Poverty = politics.

        by Renee on Sun Mar 17, 2013 at 11:44:53 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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