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View Diary: Yep. Fox's Bill O'Reilly, Traditional Marriage Advocate, Recently Got a Nasty Divorce. (206 comments)

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  •  everyone makes their choices (0+ / 0-)

    being a house wife/husband has perks. No time card, no boss, few deadlines. Much of the work can be done in pajamas. There's a trade in for all that. You don't develop your own skills. It's not the earning spouses fault for that, even if he asked you to make that sacrifice. You're still a human being and have agency over your own choices. You're owed half of the marital assets in the case of a divorce. You're not owed a legally bound indentured servant who can't choose to retire or change jobs to a lesser paid one because they are permanently bound to work on your behalf until they are dead..

    •  I cannot even grasp this. (11+ / 0-)

      It does have its perks, one big one. You are a part of your child's life and witness all the good and bad that comes with that. You can get involved at school which IMO makes a huge difference, not only for your child, but for the school.

      No deadlines? How about getting to school on time every day, sometimes multiple schools, doctors appts, dentist appts, orthodontist appts, track, yearbook club, drama club, karate pick up.  Birthday parties, playdates, band concerts, jazz band practice, battle of the books practice.  I have been home with the kids and have never done any of this in my pajamas, I get dressed when they do. I spent countless hours at their school helping teachers, implementing a green club, organizing healthy eating fairs, creating their yearbooks, organizing parties. No skills? I have learned to make pretty much everything from scratch, establish a budget  so that months of unemployment didn't cause us to lose the house, dug and maintain a bunch of garden beds including vegetable, and negotiated a million conflicts.

      I went from earning the same as my husband to nothing when I chose to stay home. I love it, and find it very rewarding, but now that the kids are in middle school and I have taken a peek as to what is available for me I can see that I am fucked.  If we did get a divorce, I have no pension because my former employer of 20 years was sold so I got a small payout years ago, and my 401k tanked when everyone else's did. Obviously I have not been contributing to either, so my penalty for raising my own kids is security only if I remain married. I know too many women in bad and even abusive marriages because if this.

      Four be the things I’d have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt, Dorothy Parker

      by kirbybruno on Tue Mar 19, 2013 at 04:20:07 AM PDT

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    •  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (5+ / 0-)
      being a house wife/husband has perks. No time card, no boss, few deadlines. Much of the work can be done in pajamas.
      I'm sorry, but in which universe are you living?!  That might be true for couples without children, but otherwise you're WAY off the mark.

      No time card?  True - but only because "kids" = "24x7", and that's hardly a decent tradeoff.  Why do you think so many couples have to exert specific effort just  to have "date nights"?

      No boss?  Perhaps - but no/few coworkers, either.  No delegation, few 'team projects' - it's all on you.

      Few deadlines? Try having 4 kids in 3 different schools (elementary, middle and HS), doing everything from academic team to band to basketball to football to theatre...THEN talk to me about a lack of deadlines.  (School assignments ALONE provide a healthy dose of deadlines.)  Given our activities, even getting dinner ready is a "deadline," depending on which kids will be home at what time on this particular day..."Oh, I can't eat after X o'clock, I have a game tonight"...

      It should be noted that I haven't even mentioned the typical "household stuff" of grocery shopping, meal planning, cleaning/laundry, minor repairs...when our kids were young, having a 24-hour grocery nearby was a godsend, because we often had to do our shopping between 10:30pm and midnight.

      My kids are teenagers now--which, in theory, means they're more self-sufficient--but, judging from my experience with role reversal (my job led to telecommuting from home, and my wife now works for a small local business), I'm in awe of how my wife pulled it off for more than a decade.

    •  I feel bad (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      SilentBrook, Onomastic, kirbybruno

      that you think staying home with children is lamo and a bad choice.  I stayed home because I had two with problems and I tutored, drove them to therapies, dr appts etc.  I received no social security points during that time so I am screwed for ss.  Damn right I would be getting alimony if I had divorced.

      Everyone! Arms akimbo!

      by tobendaro on Tue Mar 19, 2013 at 01:14:36 PM PDT

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