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View Diary: Why the "your daughter/wife" meme is necessary (114 comments)

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  •  This , imho (4+ / 0-)
    Why not just engage the narcissism directly and say "what if it were you"?

    Or, is it still too unthinkable to mostly male narcissists that they, too, could be objects?  After all, male rape is both a fact and a possibility, and one they should be aware of.

    should be part of what is taught to kids .

    Drop the name-calling MB 2/4/11 + Please try to use ratings properly! Kos 9/9/11

    by indycam on Wed Mar 20, 2013 at 11:48:18 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  It's conditional. (5+ / 0-)
      Narcissists'  love is limited to people that they see as extensions of themselves, and it's conditional. Those self-objects must reinforce their own grandiose self-image--as, in fact, Cheney's wife and children obviously do.
      So as long as the love objects conform to the narcissist's program, they have an attachment. I would think a narcissist confronted with the rape of a love object might withdraw that conditional love because it doesn't fit in with their structure of self adoration and might see it as threatening or diminishing. OR they would use it to garner sympathy and create more buzz around themselves, because that is what narcissists do. They like to use what happens to other people and paste it on themselves, because they like the attention.
    •  It is taught to many (9+ / 0-)

      It is part of how young children are introduced to empathy. Don't hit Johnny, how would you feel if someone hit you? Don't grab Susie's dolly, how would you feel if someone took your dolly away?

      And "what if it were you" is the foundation of the many culturally and religious versions of what we know as the golden rule.

      I think the diary has a good point though. The football player, powerful and admired jock that he is, cannot imagine being a powerless victim. Never happened to him in his life. Can't conceive of such a thing. But his little sister? He can stretch his imagination to that possibility.

      "No one life is more important than another. No one voice is more valid than another. Each life is a treasure. Each voice deserves to be heard." Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse & Onomastic

      by Catte Nappe on Wed Mar 20, 2013 at 12:26:44 PM PDT

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      •  I meant in black and white terms that states (0+ / 0-)

        in vivid color , rape .
        I think a great deal of people avoid the subject when talking to kids .

        Drop the name-calling MB 2/4/11 + Please try to use ratings properly! Kos 9/9/11

        by indycam on Wed Mar 20, 2013 at 12:37:59 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  Narcissism is a disorder of emotional development. (19+ / 0-)

      Children aren't instructed how to empathize with others, they learn empathy by being in a warm nurturant environment where they feel loved and valued. They also learn it at a very early age, when they are taught to consider others' feelings and to limit their demands upon others. You can create a narcissistic person either by abusing them, or spoiling them. Either extreme fails to instruct the child in the emotional give and take of healthy human relations.

      You can't just logically argue somebody out of that kind of emotional deficit. You're trying to talk a guy into giving a shit about a woman, when his answer (whether spoken or not) is "I'm NOT a woman, so why should I give a shit?"

      So, the answer is in fact, yes it IS unthinkable to them that they might be an object. Because everybody that they isn't them IS in fact an object, and that's how they treat others. Every decision is based on their own self-interest. If white, he doesn't care what it's like to be black, because he isn't. If young, he doesn't care what it's like to be old, because he isn't. It's that primitive and preverbal.  

      •  So what is the difference between a narcissist (0+ / 0-)

        and a sociopath?

      •  I'm not comfortable with your statement that you (0+ / 0-)

        can "create" narcissists.  While I can see how that can sometimes be the case, isn't this something that people are simply born with most often?  You see families all raised the same way and 5 will turn out wonderfully and one will be a narcissist.  While every child is treated a bit differently, I just don't see how there could be such differences in a family with one child very often.

        "If you trust you are not critical; if you are critical you do not trust" by our own Dauphin

        by gustynpip on Wed Mar 20, 2013 at 08:01:19 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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