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View Diary: My fiancee, now in hospice (47 comments)

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  •  I was wondering about how you yourself (0+ / 0-)

    have enough "free" time, assuming you're working a day job. Yet another challenging aspect, finding enough time now when every moment is precious. Sounds like you're doing everything you can.

    I am not an expert in this area beyond my own experience, so please take this with a large block of salt. My guess is that her optimism and hope, her own joie de vivre, are what keep her going now. Once she comes to understand instead that her prospects are impossible, the end will likely be very fast.

    Why would she want to do that, though, as long as she can hold out? She has many reasons now to keep her here, after so long without.

    I don't know how she is managing her visitors; is it through you? It's a tough balance, having people come to visit or come to say good bye. In the best of cases, people manage to do both. It might be impossible for her children to negotiate this, since they are so young, but I hope they have a chance to try.

    Being read aloud to is one of my favorite, favorite things, too. It's a way of offering comfort and security, above and beyond the act of reading itself. That is a brilliant offer you made.

    It is such a hard walk you are on right now with her. I am thinking of you both often every day.

    Some DKos series & groups worth your while: Black Kos, Native American Netroots, KosAbility, Monday Night Cancer Club. If you'd like to join the Motor City Kossacks, send me a Kosmail.

    by peregrine kate on Sun Mar 24, 2013 at 09:35:34 AM PDT

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    •  I work, yes (3+ / 0-)

      Fortunately, I live a mile from my workplace. And her hospice center is 10 minutes away. And I have an hour lunch. So between evenings, and sometimes the quick visit on lunch, I can be there quite a bit. I've also taken a few days off here and there as necessary. I'm fortunate in that I've got almost 10 years into a major multinational company, so I do have that time to take.

      She largely manages her own visitors' schedule. The late afternoon/early-evening window is usually for her kids. I come shortly before they go, and stay with her until she's ready to sleep. Other relatives have to make do with midday times where she may or may not be awake. I do say largely. Her mother has been with her 24/7 since Monday. So far, she's not caused significant problems, but I also haven't pushed on the issues that she objects to (which are several) If things are still going this well this weekend, I intend to spend at least one night there with her, and, well ... we'll see.

      It may well be that her force of will is what's keeping her going. It certainly is much of what kept her going through the low points of the last 20 years. And I'm pretty sure it's all that keeps her adoptive father alive, who has had a laundry list of medical crises (and was given a 10% chance to last a week ... three years ago). I'm not sure how long that can hold out against biological realities, but I know if there's anyone with the spirit and determination to find it out, it's her.

      "All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others." -Douglas Adams

      by Serpents Choice on Sun Mar 24, 2013 at 02:42:26 PM PDT

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      •  You already know this, so I guess I'm writing (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        DarkHawk98

        this to remind myself.
        To love and to be loved to this extent--to cherish each other as you do--is one of life's highest blessings. How fortunate you each are to have had this time together. It will never be long enough, and yet it might not have happened at all. In and of itself, it brings healing to the spirit if not to the body.
        Thank you for sharing some of your moments together. Sending tender thoughts to you both.

        Some DKos series & groups worth your while: Black Kos, Native American Netroots, KosAbility, Monday Night Cancer Club. If you'd like to join the Motor City Kossacks, send me a Kosmail.

        by peregrine kate on Sun Mar 24, 2013 at 08:09:04 PM PDT

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