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View Diary: "Rape is like football, little missy" (151 comments)

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  •  No, no, a thousand times no (38+ / 0-)
    It's really another version of rape prevention classes/advice, just done after the event, in hopes of avoiding another rape.

    Now, I understand how this may be viewed by some as blaming the victim.  But I think minimizing your chances of being rapped is probably a good practice.

    The only one to blame for the rape is the rapist.  Minimizing your chances?  Like:
    Don't drink at a bar with strangers
    Oh, but then you also can't drink at a party with friends
    But don't drink alone in case someone comes over unexpectedly

    or

    Don't dress sexy
    and
    Don't dress frumpy
    and wear shoes you can run in
    and don't go out with your hair down
    but
    don't go out with your hair pulled back

    or

    Don't walk alone at night
    or during the day
    and take different routes each time
    and carry a cell phone and be seen talking on it
    but don't talk on your cell phone

    and fight back
    or is it Don't fight back

    Don't be alone with anyone
    Don't go camping
    Don't go to the park
    Keep your doors locked
    Keep your windows locked

    Always look around as you're walking
    or was that
    Always look straight ahead and not at other people

    See, it's easy to avoid being raped if you just do these things.  

    Except, oh, wait ....   it's NOT UP TO THE VICTIM.  The onus for rape is on THE RAPIST.  
    And the onus is on us as a society to raise our children, Boys and Girls alike, to learn to respect other people, respect their personal space, that NO means NO, and Not saying YES because you're too drunk or whatever means NO and that NO ONE has the right to violate someone else.

    The Girl Who Loved Stories
    I’m a feminist because the message is still "don’t get raped" not "don’t rape"

    by Avilyn on Tue Mar 26, 2013 at 09:27:15 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  To each their own (0+ / 0-)

      I have two young daughters (1 and 5) and when the time comes, in consultation with my wife, I'm pretty sure I would favor discussing with them some situations that they should try to avoid whether the threat might be rape, robbery, assault, etc.

      But I agree with your last paragraph and your tag line.  If I had boys I would teach them along the lines that you suggest.  Since I have girls I will try to teach them that not all boys are raised correctly and that they are more likely to encounter these types of boys in certain situations than in others.

      Be well.

      We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein

      by theotherside on Tue Mar 26, 2013 at 10:57:03 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  The problem is (9+ / 0-)
        I'm pretty sure I would favor discussing with them some situations that they should try to avoid
        When the focus is on the victim (or potential victim) to "avoid" situations that can lead to rape, you're putting the onus on the victim.  And the fact is that most women are raped by people they know and/or trust.  So how will you teach your girls to avoid that?  Never get close to anyone?  Don't ever trust men because someday they might decide to rape you?  Never ever drink around other people?  The problem with this is that it plants the seeds of "It's my fault" - if a young woman who has been brought up being taught this gets drunk and is assaulted/rape, she's going to be less likely to report it because "oh I shouldn't have been drinking".  The only consequence to being drunk should be potentially having a hangover.  

        I'm not saying you should pretend for your daughters that there are no dangers whatsoever out there.  But what about teaching them that their personal space is to be respected at all times.  And that they should respect other people's.  And how to speak up (or quietly get away & call for help) if they see something going on.   And that they don't 'owe' sex to someone just because they paid for dinner or whatever.

        The Girl Who Loved Stories
        I’m a feminist because the message is still "don’t get raped" not "don’t rape"

        by Avilyn on Tue Mar 26, 2013 at 12:38:31 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

    •  Agreed, but it's also our duty to teach our kids (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      murrayewv

      to deal with reality and how to avoid and protect themselves from being victimized.

      No it's not their fault if caution doesn't work. That doesn't mean throw caution to the wind.

      That's not blaming the victim. That's prudence.

      Either way it's idiotic and offensive to be talking about prevention after the fact.

    •  I wish I could tip you a thousand! (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Avilyn, Steven D, bekosiluvu

      Peace and Blessings!
      Well Said!!

      United we the people stand, divided we the people fall.

      by Penny GC on Tue Mar 26, 2013 at 03:27:15 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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