Skip to main content

View Diary: The Grieving Room: Has it been a year already? It feels like forever. (70 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  It wil be 5 years for me on Thursday (11+ / 0-)

    since my beloved Karl died. Some days it still feels surreal, but mostly I have gotten used to the emptiness where he used to be.

    My Rusty dog was my last link to Karl and he died this January. Now I have two dogs that Karl never met (and one that my mother never met) and it seems so strange sometimes.  I have a new car that he never saw. I have furniture that he did;t' have a chance to help me pick out. I';ve had some really good things happen at work and he wasn't there to celebrate. He wasn't there for me when my mom died like he was when my dad died 20 years ago.

    Sometimes it feels as if that part of my life is just something I made up. It's getting less real as the years goe by. The life together that is, not the grief. But even the grief is gentler these days.

    I didn't know why I survived, I didn't want to. Certainly while I wouldn't commit suicide, I would not have called 911 either if I had had a heart attack that first couple of years.

    In two years I'll be 60, starting to think about the reitrement I can never see being able to afford.  I'm thinking to about how I want to spend the elder years. I have no children, but still I think my calling in that third of my life is to give back. To mentor and to share the stories of how to survive through hell and high water. To let people know I care when they very much need someone to care. To teach the young the lessons of history. I don't know, maybe that is my calling and why I didn't die of grief as I wanted to.

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site