Skip to main content

View Diary: PTSD: Reminders That It Never Ends (69 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  LoreleiHI - you've touched on something very (6+ / 0-)

    personal to me right now and something I'm going through in my life -

    There's only one part of the paternal side of the family that talks to me, even though my 'father' fully admits to what he did. To them, I'm in the wrong for going to the police.
    I have been struggling tremendously over the past few months with this very same issue.  My sister vehemently denies that our grandfather ever did anything to us - calls me a liar and says she will spend the rest of her life trying to prove that I'm a liar -

    EVEN THOUGH my dad has said he found writings by my grandmother that she thought he had abused us - EVEN THOUGH my dad has told her that my mom said he abused her - my sister is in such denial that she refuses to see the truth.  It is easier to call me a bitch and tell me that I am the sick one for dragging our family through this and that I'm the "bad person."

    It's horrifying - and even though logically I know I should detach - just let it go and stop going back there for her to hurt me, there is still that little girl inside of me who wants her sister, wants her love and protection and wants to be believed.  

    I am so sorry you were triggered last night and had to go through this - The not believing part - by people who are supposed to love us - I think that's the hardest part for me.  Even though I KNOW what happened - just those words - you are a liar - they cut really deep.  (expletive here!)

    "...I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul" Invictus - William Ernest Henley Please donate to TREE Climbers, our 501(c)(3).

    by Roxine on Fri Apr 05, 2013 at 04:48:50 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  Me too. (6+ / 0-)

      Over the past 5 years, I have had to cut all contact with every single member of my family.  The reason?  I had to draw a line--if they were going to be in my life anymore, my experiences and feelings had to be accepted and respected.  For so many years I had overlooked/denied/dismissed/minimized the ridicule (that labeled me overly emotional, dramatic, exaggerating attention seeker to outright fabricator) as "not my problem" but at some point I had to face the toll it had taken on my throughout my life.  In some ways, I think that it has been more destructive to me than the intense abuse I suffered as a child.  And it continued because I wouldn't "give up" on my family.  I loved them (I still do) and wanted to have them in my life.  But I did (and still do) pay a very very high price for a commitment to them which was not returned.  

      And Lorelei, you can understand your mother.  I believe I have a lot of understanding of my mother--and compassion for her.  But  your feelings are important and they matter and should be honored,  And you should not feel as though you should ever tolerated abusive/dismissive/disrespectful behavior from anyone.  

      And BIG hugs to both you!!!!

      •  me too (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        chimene, Avilyn, Cassandra Waites

        going on five years

        a lifetime of trying to find some way to have loving relations with them

        stuck around for the one or two who actually cared

        when they died I left

        These past years with contact with those uncaring, unloving, abusive relatives finally gone, I've felt a sense of safety and peace of mind I didn't even realize I had never experienced before

      •  I understand (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Avilyn, 4Freedom, Cassandra Waites

        I just don't accept. Yes, she's mentally ill, she has OCD and she used more drugs than really are conceivable. So many that I have LSD flashbacks when I take Zithromax (an antibiotic), FFS!!!!!

        My father's heroin habit was $2k a day in the 70s. My mother preferred LSD and cocaine, but she did heroin, too, so I imagine it was up there.

        So yes, she was fucked up. But she treated my brother and sister like gold, so she had the ability. /shrug  Again, it comes down to, so sorry I was going through withdrawals as an infant, but it was your own damned fault.

        Get 10% off with KATALOGUE2013 at my shop, or go to the Kos Katalogue!

        by LoreleiHI on Fri Apr 05, 2013 at 11:34:36 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site