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View Diary: The Private Side of Republican Crazy (130 comments)

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  •  You're welcome. It's an important point. (1+ / 0-)
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    Creosote

    For anyone who has been bullied into believing her abuse is either misperceived (therefore she's stupid or crazy) or well deserved (therefore her misery is her own fault), exhortations to forgive the abuser merely reinforce the DV pathology. This can be fatal in a felony DV situation. I've seen it be fatal. It's what every judge fears, when confronted with a victim who has forgiven her assailant and now stands before the court, pleading to have the No Contact Order lifted.

    When the violence is primarily emotional, as in my case, the suggestion that the victim is somehow defective or selfish when she has finally broken through to the point of directing her anger toward her abuser instead of exclusively toward herself is profoundly toxic.

    Furthermore, it is impossible to forgive delusional abusers like my parents or zenox's mother to their face, because they believe they've done nothing that merits an apology. The very idea of forgiving them will be taken as an insult.

    "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." -- Thomas Jefferson

    by pianogramma on Tue Apr 09, 2013 at 06:30:17 AM PDT

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    •  Yes, I completely agree. (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      pianogramma, Lonely Texan

      As a reader and admirer of many analytic writers from DWW to Bion, Bollas, and Ogden, I am certain that absence or refusal of early attachment, especially in the years before language, can play an immense part in all this, as the child is driven to attempt to repair the parent - or the abusive partner - in order to find someone to finally begin to live and think with.

      See also the book The Telescoping of Generations . . .

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