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View Diary: "Look for the helpers. You'll always find people who are helping." -- Fred Rogers (34 comments)

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  •  Like I said, it's ok if you're not up to joking, (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    jbou, samddobermann

    and it's certainly ok if people directly affected aren't.

    But at the same time, I don't think people who can joke should be told it's too soon.  "We can't joke about this" is a very close cousin to "We can't debate about this", and the latter caused a lot of harm in the post-9-11 period.  

    © cai Visit to join the fight against global warming.

    by cai on Mon Apr 15, 2013 at 03:39:37 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  The victims can do whatever they want (14+ / 0-)

      If they find humor helps them cope, good for them. Actually read an interesting, and pertinent column, this weekend.

      Here's the essential meat of it

      Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie’s aneurysm, that’s Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie’s aneurysm, that was Katie’s husband, Pat. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order. One of Susan’s patients found it useful to tape it to her refrigerator.

      Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” That’s the one payoff for being in the center ring.

      Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

      "No one life is more important than another. No one voice is more valid than another. Each life is a treasure. Each voice deserves to be heard." Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse & Onomastic

      by Catte Nappe on Mon Apr 15, 2013 at 04:13:56 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  cops, ER docs and nures, military, etc. (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      jbou, blueoasis, Cassandra Waites

      are probably better at joking their way through this sort of thing. I think it's hard for people who aren't in those kinds of fields to understand.

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