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  •  KOLACHE KONSPIRACY? (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    helpImdrowning, northsylvania

    With workplace safety perpetually at issue here in Texas, it’s comforting we understand this whole deficit reduction/sequestration exercise is essentially a trip to smaller government without passing go and certainly without collecting $200.  Thank you Dick Armey, or as the President once asked, “Was that the problem with Wall Street?  Too much regulation?”  The bonus  comfort is that with our regulatory agencies either cowed or short-funded into relative paralysis, and the higher courts also in custody,  the only remaining obstacle to a better life is some more diligent tort reform. Huh?

    Having had the dubious foresight to relocate only twice -- from Southern Connecticut to Boston and then on to Texas -- you can probably understand how our family has recently been going through kind of a rough patch.

    Soon after our arrival here, we began to think back on how infrequent were the drownings in our former abodes, despite immediate and popular access to the Atlantic; how rare it was to hear of anyone ever hit by a train – which could have had something to do with the paucity of grade level crossing.  The adjective eventually coming to mind seemed to be “civilized.”

    At times like these , you may understand why, however inappropriate,  a semi-professional satirist retreats into a denial fantasy providing himself and others at least a temporary balm. So I hope the other kolache lovers who have participated here will appreciate this last missive in a string of e-commisserations with friends and former neighbors up North for what it is, a reflection of fond associations for and memories of this area that may trigger a few more of your own:

        Yes, too soon, but, it’s all I got left after this week’s double whammy.  I’m telling you, if it’s not a tornado, mass-murder gun incident,  dozen-death railroad crossing catastrophe, West Nile Virus epidemic, Texas City refinery inferno, or the conveniently designated dilbit/bitumen environmental disaster (as contrasted with the traditional “Dilbert” oil or gas pipeline variety) – then it’s a mass casualty anhydrous ammonia fertilizer storage facility explosion reminiscent of a much earlier celebrated occurrence in an east Texas burg bearing the coincidental appellation “New London.” (Although that massive Depression-era gaseous miscalculation resulting in the loss of nearly 300 school children and teachers originated underground rather than "submarine," it must have been an even more horrendous shock to the system at the time.)

        This latest, a mere two counties over from where authorities just remanded  a former justice of the peace and his wife into custody for the revenge killing of its District Attorney, his wife and First Assistant DA, none of whom, as at initial speculation, found to have anything to do with the Aryan Brotherhood or any other Masonic organization.

        Still more terrible reports of first responders, volunteers, who were lost.  But on a morning when at least a little good news would provide some respite, there they were.  Where they’ve always been, still beckoning siren-like, still gateway to what’s left of the West we knew, front and center out on I-35.  I honestly don’t know if we can even make it two-thirds of the way back from Austin without the Czech Stop Deli and Little Czech Bakery at Exit 353?  The two 24/7 legendary institutions, which for over 30 years have sustained West’s claim as “Kolache Kapital” of Texas, against such would-be usurpers as Caldwell over by A&M / Bryant College Station.  A blood rivalry just shy of that between Montgomery, Minnesota and Verdigre, Nebraska for what they consider the equivalent of “Kolache Kapital of the Kosmos.”  Always already a refuge for the weary masses, often with a 10-minute kolache kue at the counter, even at three in the afternoon?

        Could they have been the intended targets.  Already “people of interest.”  It’s been suggested that right above us, in the state still retaining its national victim of domestic terrorism title ,  Homeland Security has been monitoring what they believe to be a Prague, Oklahoma anarchist sleeper cell that recently began campaigning against the kolache purists insistence on segregating the savory breakfast sausage, pulled pork, ham&cheese, jalapeno and pepperoni variety -- technically actually “klobasniki” -- from their doughy traditional apricot or raspberry and “very berry” cream cheese-filled cousins.  The most offending pretender being the recently revived “Ball Park-olache” first developed for major league baseball in the early 50’s by Detroit Tigers Czech-American “pinch” hitter Carl Linhart – said to have earned that position through expertise in crimping the bread pastry dough around its succulent all-beef center.

        And speaking of leagues, how will this conflagration affect the relatively under-populated town of Carl’s Corner just 6 of those arcane measures up the road apiece, also chartered 30 years ago by the eponymous Carl Cornelius at his I-35 E-and-W-divide truck stop , solely for the purpose of obtaining an alcohol sales license to accommodate its annual 4th of July Willie Nelson concerts?

        Of course the Interpol  investigation of continuing unrest in the Czech Republic proper has been ongoing since the city of Brno-Bystrc failed in its bid to buy an extra vowel or two from Pat Sajak.   The issue of missing or superfluous vowels and consonants also brings into question   the golf situation for the foreseeable future, as the center pin of the adjacent metropolitan Abbott, Texas  tourism and hospitality industry?  

        More specifically, will Carl be able to retain his permit for the storage of the BioWillie fuel, first offered by Willie a the Corner’s gas emporium?  Were Bob “Daddy-O” Wade’s oversized Dancing Frogs across the highway even temporarily knocked out of step; and, if so, what are the ramification for Andy Dick and Tango on Dancing with the Stars?  Y’see -- oh nevermind….

        Begging the question, can you really say there would have been fewer victims if civilians with concealed weapons had already been right there on the scene, rather than having to wait for law enforcement  bottled up on a congested highway corridor?  Which further begs the question “How late can you get someplace without having to surrender your ‘first responder’ credentials?”   IE is the designation strictly vocational or do there remain some lingering critical temporal provisions?  

        And finally, is it becoming of TV personnel occupying  a “News Chopper One” or “SkyEye 11” to claim second-responder recognition, alongside the American Red Cross, utility shutdown crews, and possibly even Gloria Allred?   How come you rarely hear about third responders -- or in Seinfeldian parlance, “Who are those people?”

    "Have I shocked you by the dirty things I wrote to you?" --James Joyce,To Nora, Dublin 6, December 1909 Oops. Wrong inspirational quote!

    by Roger Burke on Thu Apr 18, 2013 at 10:00:19 PM PDT

    •  Difficult time (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Geogre

      to be straddling a line between Boston and Dallas, especially now. As you say, the folks up Boston way have a different way of seeing things. I have often told twigg, a UK expat now living in Oklahoma, that the person who has written best, enough to translate the insular, stubborn, sometimes counterproductive integrity and courage of the rural towns in that part of the world, is Annie Proulx. The long band that stretches from north of Houston to the Canadian border varies in particulars, but has universal similarities.
      I have found that the English village I live in is much more like the rural town in Texas where I was born than either are like London, Boston, or New York. Dallas now, is a whole different kettle of fish. Anyone from Fort Worth can tell you that place is dangerous.

      You..ought to be out raising hell. This is the fighting age. Put on your fighting clothes. -Mother Jones

      by northsylvania on Fri Apr 19, 2013 at 02:54:59 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Heck, I've got a guy down the block ... (0+ / 0-)

        who thinks "Dizziness upon Standing" is an English Village in the Cotswold District :)

        "Have I shocked you by the dirty things I wrote to you?" --James Joyce,To Nora, Dublin 6, December 1909 Oops. Wrong inspirational quote!

        by Roger Burke on Fri Apr 19, 2013 at 07:29:58 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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