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  •  so help me out here, a little... (18+ / 0-)

    being of the Hebrew persuasion, I'm a little sketchy on this rapture deal.

    i get the theory, it's the actual practice, the logistics of it that elude me.

    so, if i super-glue my lips to Pat Robertson's sanctified ass, when he takes to big fall upward, will I also get dragged heaven-ward with him?  Or will I end up on earth with nothing to show for my efforts but chapped lips and all of his toys?

    is there an economy class rapture ride?

    can i do the civil war thing, and pay someone $300 to take my place among the left-behind? And what's the difference between being left-behind, and being a big-behind? or a little behind, for that matter?

    can i hide under the rock that will have been recently vacated by Tony Perkins and hope that The Big Cheese will miss me as he scours the earth, relieving it of heathens?

    and finally, can anyone tell me the difference between a rapture and a rupture?

    this is mighty confusing. i'm going back to my coco-puffs and buttermilk...  

    can someone wake me up when it's time to go?

    and is it a sin to dream about a post-rapture world, free of asshats?

    i'm going to hell, i just know it...

    "When you're skating on thin ice, you might as well dance." Jesse Winchester

    by The Poet Deploreate on Thu May 02, 2013 at 08:29:56 AM PDT

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    •  It's apparently a very selective Hoover (4+ / 0-)

      Strong too. First it's gonna suck all the dead believers up out of the ground, then the ones who are alive - right out of their cars, their houses, their churches, etc.

      I doubt your Pat Robertson plan will work. I mean, the super glued lips on the ass idea should be fine, I just have serious doubts that Reverend Pat is as tight with God as he thinks he is. He sure seems like a sleazebag to me.

      And the Tony Perkins idea? Are you sure you'd want to climb under there? I'd recommend a very thorough cleaning and delousing first ...

      Free: The Authoritarians - all about those who follow strong leaders.

      by kbman on Thu May 02, 2013 at 10:36:27 AM PDT

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    •  way funny (your comment that is) (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Jim Domenico, NonnyO

      I'm definitely going to hell--and glad of it--considering who will be going to the other eternity with them would sure be hell to me.

    •  Poet, I think the Rapture means (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      BettytheBoop, NonnyO

      you and I and the other Folks of the Book get to enjoy the world in peace and quiet after the removal of a twenty-century-long error.

      A wise man hears one word and understands two.

      by Not A Bot on Thu May 02, 2013 at 06:46:53 PM PDT

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    •  Let's go together.... (0+ / 0-)

      Just across the fjord from Hell is where one of my ancestral lineages lived for some 400+ years (that I can actually document, at least; not sure how long before written documents).  I would like to go so I could then sail across the fjord to visit the places where fifth cousins still live....

      I'm sick of attempts to steer this nation from principles evolved in The Age of Reason to hallucinations derived from illiterate herdsmen. ~ Crashing Vor

      by NonnyO on Thu May 02, 2013 at 09:33:51 PM PDT

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