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View Diary: College Life, Rape and Public Discourse (83 comments)

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  •  I'm sorry, but yes, that does affect its value. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    randomfacts, kyril

    Giving that advice to your daughter is an excellent plan -- but you need to be aware that she is also going to be hearing that same thing as a moral judgment from a lot of other sources.  If you are not very careful and very clear in your warning, she may well mistakenly conclude that you agree with those people -- after all, you're saying the same thing -- and that you believe any woman who doesn't take this good advice deserves whatever happens to her as a result.

    Giving that advice in a public forum, to adult women you barely know or don't know at all, is even likelier to get you mistakenly identified with the moralizers.

    •  All that shit is irrelevant to me. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      I could care less if she is confused by the noise out there. The advice is essential and unequivocally important. All that other mumbo-jumbo is just that - mumbor-jumbo. It is not that important when compared to reducing the risk of a person actually being assaulted.

      •  "All that other mumbo-jumbo" (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        kyril, NancyK, Throw The Bums Out

        strongly increases the likelihood of rapists remaining unconvicted, of rape victims being unwilling to press charges or being dismissed and victimized further when they do, and of more people being assaulted.

        So yes, it kind of actually is that important.

        If you mean it when you say you don't care if your daughter is confused by the noise out there, either you don't care about her welfare -- which I don't believe for a second -- or you have a basic failure to understand just how damaging that noise can really be.

      •  Great (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Lonely Texan

        So if she doesn't heed your advice and is assaulted because of it, or if she does (but breaks someone else's "rule" -- or heck, doesn't) and is assaulted anyway, then the fact that you might accidentally compound society's messed-up messages and add to her pain is irrelevant to you?

        Let me tell you and any lurkers here something important.  I have been raped.  I know the stories of many other women and girls who have been raped.  It is not -- NOT -- the sexual assault or the physical trauma that usually breaks a person who has not been raised to think that rape ruins you for life.  It is what happens afterward that fucks people up, when the moralizing happens.  When the girl or woman is not believed, or when she hears over and over that she brought it on herself.  Or when she already "knows" that she brought it on herself, because she's heard it so often from so many places.  Simple trauma heals much better than trauma complicated by breach of trust, lack of support, lack of understanding, lack of love, and self-blame.

        If it ever happens to your daughter, you don't want her thinking she brought it on herself, please trust me on that.

        •  I am going to tell my daughter never (0+ / 0-)

          to get too drunk in public. I don't follow why you think that messes up society or whatever. It's just commonsense good advice. I'd tell her to avoid dark alleys at night as well, and other things like that. Whatever the psychological effect of that, or moral effect, I don't give a damn. I want her to minimize her chances of being a victim of crime. That's it. If you would not give your own kid such advice that is your business.

          •  So when she doesn't report it or tell you about (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Batya the Toon

            what happened because she believes you are telling her that it was her fault for being raped what then?  Like you said, you could care less if she is confused by "all the noise out there" so it shouldn't matter if she ends up killing herself in part because she thinks you are blaming her for being the victim.

            You have watched Faux News, now lose 2d10 SAN.

            by Throw The Bums Out on Fri May 03, 2013 at 05:52:12 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

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