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View Diary: Plagiarizing SquirrelTerror (172 comments)

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      I did manage to get out and purchase a “squirrel-proof” birdfeeder. It has a sort of wire cage around the tube holding the seed, and when a squirrel gets on it the cage slides down, barring it from getting any noms. (Almost like this guy, but more decorative.) We’ll see how this works out. If all else fails, it should at least be hysterically funny. I kind of dread one of the little rodents getting a paw caught in it or something, though. Because let’s face it, these squirrels would be the ones to do so. Especially Neo. He’s having some bad luck lately.
      I did my research and went out to buy a “squirrel-proof” birdfeeder. It has a sort of wire cage around the tube holding the seed, and when a squirrel gets on it the cage slides down, barring it from getting any noms. (they make better ones now than they did back then - just saying.)

      We’ll see how this works out. If all else fails, it should at the very least be hysterically funny, watching Big Sarge and his crew trying to get into it. I kind of dread one of the little rodents getting a paw caught in it or something, though. Because let’s face it, these squirrels would be the ones to do so. Especially Big Sarge. He’s having some bad luck lately.

      ANYWAY, while I was purchasing this wondrous object, I also picked up twenty pounds of birdseed. (What? I like to be prepared. It was on SALE.) Then I turned around…and saw it.

      SQUIRREL FOOD.

      Can you believe that? I’ll say it again.

      SQUIRREL FOOD.

      People pay money for this.

      ANYWAY, while I was purchasing this wondrous object, I also picked up twenty pounds of birdseed. (What? I like to be prepared. It was on sale.) Then I turned around…and saw it.

      SQUIRREL FOOD.

      Can you believe that?

      I’ll say it again.

      SQUIRREL FOOD.

      People pay money for this.

      I stood there in the Fred Meyer aisle for at least twenty long-ticking seconds, dumbstruck and staring. Three shelves of squirrel food. I cannot believe people feed these fuzzy little cat-kicking ninjas. There was a wide array, from corncobs to corncob-shaped hanging loaves of seeds and nuts, to sawdust-looking cornmeal things that are probably the Metamucil of the squirrel world. There was tons of it.

      “No way,” I finally breathed.

      At this point, I have to admit, I did think about buying some of the pressed seed loaves and hanging them up in the plum tree. Why? Aw, just for the lulz, maybe.

      No, not for giggles. I’ll be honest. Jesus, don’t look at me like that.

      AS A BRIBE, OKAY? As a kickback to the little fuzzy commandos so they won’t break my windows with peanuts or anything. But then I thought, you know, you start paying the squirrel mafia off and sooner or later they’ll start squeezing you for more.

      I stood there in the TLC aisle for at least twenty long-ticking seconds, dumbstruck and staring. Three shelves of squirrel food. I cannot believe people feed these furry little cat-kicking, war-mongering Sinanju-trained rodents. They had everything from actual corncobs to corncob-shaped logs of peanuts and birdseed to sawdusty cornmealy looking things that were probably the squirrel world equivalent of Metamucil.

      Hah.  Fiber for squirrels.

      Ha-ha.

      There were tons of bags of squirrel food.

      “No way,” I finally breathed.

      At this point, I have to admit, I thought about buying some of the pressed seed loaves and hanging them up in the mulberry tree.

      Why? Aw, just for the lulz, maybe.

      No, not for giggles. I’ll be honest. Pookahs, don’t look at me like that.

      AS A BRIBE, OKAY?

      As a kickback to the little fuzzy commandos so they won’t break my windows with peanuts or pinecones. But then I thought, you know, you start paying the squirrel mafia off and sooner or later they’ll start squeezing you for more.

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