Skip to main content

View Diary: A View From the Swamp - Rough Days (26 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  Please be WELL....we need you to continue with... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    FloridaSNMOM

    your progress.  "She just won't shut UP" what can you do to mitigate her voice?  Can you go out for a walk?  Can you get an animal that needs attention?  You need to get her to hush....Let me know if I can help....we need you to continue to get assistance and to get better.

    I am out here in BFE rooting for your continued improvement!  Let me know how I can help...

    "A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

    by Yo Bubba on Fri May 17, 2013 at 04:40:47 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  sleep. That is what shuts her up. Or at least (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      FloridaSNMOM, Yo Bubba

      I don't hear her when I'm asleep. I have plenty of animals to pay attention to, there are 12 indoor cats alone, including mine - they are all spoiled by us all.  

      It's kind of random - she talks, then she doesn't, then starts up again.  Whether I pay attention or not, whether I answer or not - she just keeps talking.  It's the same thing over and over - the break up speech she gave me when she dumped my sorry ass.  I hope that eventually the sad will go away and then she'll shut up - but I did ask for my meds to be upped via email.

      They probably need to be upped anyway, I have a mad crush developing on Alex Kingston - I'm pretty sure crazy, poor fat men are not her type.  I don't have any delusions we're dating or anything though - so I'm not over the edge, just in awe.  I have actually been that far gone in the past over other people - awkward...

      Outside isn't really an option now, too warm for me. My internal thermostat is screwed up from meds.  Even the house with the A/C on is horribly warm.  I have a fan on me at all times and drink a lot of iced water and Diet Pepsi to keep semi cool.

      So I just kind of have to hang on and see what happens.  I figure it will be late enough to call and see if I can do the reschedule in a bit - and I got a 5 hour energy to try and stay awake longer today.  I may just occasionally be shouting SHUT UP! randomly. Such is my life at the moment.

      And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

      by Mortifyd on Fri May 17, 2013 at 06:11:27 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  I'm going to meet my Mum at the store later (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      FloridaSNMOM, Yo Bubba

      to get out of the house and walk a bit - it sucks we shop at VoldeMart, but it's huge and got A/C so I can get exercise and be cool at the same time.  I have a 5 hour energy drink (I like them because they are mostly vitamins and some caffeine, not weird crap) to keep me up through then.

      And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

      by Mortifyd on Fri May 17, 2013 at 06:37:44 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Okay! I feel better.... (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Mortifyd, FloridaSNMOM

        you are dealing with the situation at hand and trying to get things going.  Since the cats are spoiled I know life must be okay.  That said, keep on improving and working towards making your current situation, temporary and getting back to a place where you can breathe a little easier...

        Out her in BFE we are still thinking about you!  

        "A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

        by Yo Bubba on Fri May 17, 2013 at 12:03:43 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  they've gotten past most of the bullshit now (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          FloridaSNMOM, Yo Bubba

          it just took them 6 months - they've figured out I'm actually sick and don't hassle me as much any more - and I avoid the FOX lounge and evening drunktime with Col CatLady which avoids a lot of stress.

          I'm just not sure if I leave here now I will be able to sail before the weather changes in Oregon for the fall/winter - and that means another winter at the dock - with someone else in the boat - my sailing partner.  

          She's from Arizona - I have no idea what an Oregon winter will do to HER - and I'm not sure I will be able to emotionally hold two people together if it comes to that.  

          We are not "couple" material together - too different and the chance for that was a decade ago.  So it will just be closed in and wet and cold outside for 5 months.  Not really what she signed up for, you know?

          So I have to think about which way to jump and what to do if SSDI tells me to piss off as well.

          And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

          by Mortifyd on Fri May 17, 2013 at 01:44:44 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Hang tight where you are now... (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Mortifyd

            if everyone has settled down a bit and you know how to avoid the worst of it, then I would recommend biting the bullet and staying where you are now.

            Don't get out into an unstable situation until you feel like the meds are helping and you know more about finances.

            In the meantime, you can plan one heck of a sailing trip when you are ready to go.

            Arizona to Oregon...that will be a stretch for your sailing partner.  Plan, plan, plan and get stable before you go.  Your parents sound like they are at least trying now and not being overly combative.

            Take care and keep us posted.  We think the world of you and just want to see you taken care of....

            "A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

            by Yo Bubba on Fri May 17, 2013 at 07:14:50 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  there is a catch to staying here... (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Yo Bubba

              They are worried about money.  Just today -

              Mum - you need to get a job.

              Me - that would screw up my SSDI. Not to mention - not well enough to hold down a job.

              Mum - Oh.  Well, a cash job then.

              Me - Not well. Voices. Sleeping.  If I could get a job I would just GO HOME.

              Mum - Oh. Yeah.  Well, shit.  You're expensive.

              So while they are trying as best they can - they still expect me to be not sick when it's convenient to them.

              Slip fees are due next month and they are grumbling about that - and sending me home on top of it... so it's not an easy decision either way.

              And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

              by Mortifyd on Fri May 17, 2013 at 07:55:54 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  "Oh. Yeah. Well, shit. You're... (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                Mortifyd

                expensive".  Kinda of takes my breath away.  That is a dark cloud, kinda dings a person when they hear that kind of feedback.

                It is easy for me to play armchair quarterback, but you are living with the situation in real time.  I guess the best I can offer at this time is to be supportive in whatever decision you make.  You know your situation best and I am behind you, just don't do anything rash if you can avoid it.  Try and focus on finances and mental health as they will be key to survival and a robust recovery.  We think you are great and headed down the right path....

                "A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

                by Yo Bubba on Sat May 18, 2013 at 03:50:32 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

                •  it's just the way they are (0+ / 0-)

                  They live in the FOX world - so everyone is out to get their money, see?  And while I haven't asked for much of anything in the last 20+ years - I'm here NOW and I add to the food bill and the utilities and they pay my car insurance, got my license sorted, my monthly marina liveaboard fee - and give me a small allowance.

                  My insurance isn't bad, I'm a good driver in an older car that is paid for outright.  My liveaboard fees are $35 a month. But the license was around $2000 to sort out, they paid about $250 of my dentistry and I get $25 a week in "allowance" because my dad thinks it's wrong for adults to not have pocket money. I pay for my ecig tips and my gas for the car and bead supplies out of that, plus snacks, soda when I run out - etc.  Plus the driving to appointments and clothes here and there - I had rags when I showed up.

                  So I have been expensive in fairly large amounts - and the slip fees are due next month of $800.  That's for the next year, but still, it's still a fairly large outlay for them for one bill that isn't theirs - right after my license deal with AZ screwing me over.  Not to mention sending me home will cost them about $600 as well in gas money and whatnot.

                  So I'm not cheap while I'm here and they insist on middle class living for me - largely because I'd given up on middle class and lived poor with SNAP and that's gone now too.  They are supporting my Diet Pepsi drinking as well as regular food.

                  So I really can't take it personally. I don't know if or when the SSDI will be resolved - and if I will be approved.  Even then, I have no idea how long it would be before I actually see any money assuming it is approved.  

                  Now I'm enough out of the hole that being approved would let me have my own independence back and I could manage comfortably when I go home - but I filed in November of last year and just now had my evaluation appointments scheduled - and I'm pretty sure that was because I had a senators office up their asses.

                  So I need to either be able to support myself or be able to handle keeping myself and sailing partner mentally ok in an Oregon coast winter on a tight budget (she has agreed to look for work in Oregon, knowing I am working on getting better - but looking isn't always finding) because we can't just hop on the boat and sail away - there are things to be done and safety equipment to buy.  

                  We can get the boat things done easily enough - but immersion suits ($200 used each), new wet weather gear ($300 each for ocean quality), an EPIRB ($600), a used kayak as a dinghy, a new (to us, not new new) radar system - not exactly $9.95. And food.  We have to stock the boat for the trip.  And build a generator of some kind - I expect solar panels are out of the budget too.  So I'm thinking a DIY wind/impeller generator using a motorcycle alternator to charge the batteries we still have to buy...and a small outboard engine - also used.

                  Our goal is to hit Florida/Mississippi gulf coast for winter - which means we have to leave no later than mid August to stand a chance of getting there with the weather.  That's a lot of work and expense we don't have the means to cover at the moment - and without SSDI or winning the lottery... I don't see it happening this year.

                  But I really don't want to stay in Louisiana that long either.  I miss my home and feel pretty isolated without my friends and my boat and my town.  But without SSDI, I'm not sure I can manage to pay for a winter in Oregon alone even without my sailing partner.  When I leave, they stop paying my bills.

                  And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

                  by Mortifyd on Sat May 18, 2013 at 04:54:50 AM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  •  Well, kinda sounds like you are between a rock... (1+ / 0-)
                    Recommended by:
                    Mortifyd

                    and a hard place right now.  Your parents are trying, doing the best they can, but you already know that.  I tried reaching out to my family members a few years ago and it was nothing short of a disaster, so I think you are lucky.

                    I am still rooting for you and the sailing adventure sounds like it will be rugged fun.

                    "A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." Ralph Waldo Emerson

                    by Yo Bubba on Sat May 18, 2013 at 02:17:53 PM PDT

                    [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site