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View Diary: The Beginning of the End (63 comments)

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  •  My husband is walking in your shoes. (14+ / 0-)

    I'll have him read this when he comes home.

    It helps him to know he's not alone.  Even though you both feel alone right now.

    "I speak the truth, not as much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little the more, as I grow older." --Montaigne

    by DrLori on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 09:37:25 AM PDT

    •  wait? what? are you okay? -nt (8+ / 0-)

      Building Community. Creating Jobs. Donating Art to Community Organizations. Support the Katalogue

      by UnaSpenser on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 09:51:04 AM PDT

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      •  Oh, sorry--right now, yes, I'm fine. (14+ / 0-)

        I've been in chemo once a week every week for 13 years.  And I'm currently still stable.  But the fear never really goes away.

        Most of the time I manage to ignore it, but my husband can't.  It never leaves him.  My every little tick and ache terrifies him.  Which only goes to prove that it's much harder to love a cancer patient than it is to be a cancer patient.  He spends his life with a two track future--in one of them, I'm there.  In the other, I'm not.  I know it haunts him.

        "I speak the truth, not as much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little the more, as I grow older." --Montaigne

        by DrLori on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 10:32:17 AM PDT

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        •  I can sort of relate to him (4+ / 0-)

          Even though Mr. Scribe's cancer was localized and non-aggressive, and they got all of it in surgery (he didn't even need chemo), I still worry.

          He had a colonoscopy a week and a half ago, where they found four polyps and his head; they sent the former to biopsy. I'm assuming that all is well since we haven't heard anything; if there was anything seriously wrong they'd likely call.

          But the fear is still there...probably exacerbated by my losing my father when I was only 11 -- I'm used to losing the men in my life before I'm ready to say goodbye.

          There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- goddammit, you've got to be kind. -- Kurt Vonnegut

          by Cali Scribe on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 05:05:49 PM PDT

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          •  It's hard, and you have the harder part (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            RiveroftheWest

            because there's nothing you can do, and the sheer helplessness makes it that much worse.  Many many congratulations of them having caught it all--it's what screenings are for.  And if regular colonoscopies are in his future, that's an inconvenience worth dealing with.  

            You're right in your assumptions, I think.  You won't draw a sigh of relief until you read the report, but bad news comes in a day.  Good news can take as much as a month.  

            Here's hoping that Mr. Scribe breaks the pattern of men exiting early!  It sounds like you're doing everything right to make that happen.

            "I speak the truth, not as much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little the more, as I grow older." --Montaigne

            by DrLori on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 08:03:42 PM PDT

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            •  It was actually first caught (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              DrLori, RiveroftheWest

              in a routine work physical -- we paid extra to have our regular PCP do it because he's more comfortable with her than with the doctors at the clinic his then-employer used. She felt a mass that didn't sit well with her in one testicle and referred him over to Urology. (I didn't even find out about it till the surgicenter called to schedule the surgery -- I wasn't happy about his concealing information like that from me but that's water under the bridge.) He's been clear on his annual screenings since then, so I assume we've dodged the bullet. (I'm overdue for my colonoscopy -- probably will do it sometime after the first of the year.)

              There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- goddammit, you've got to be kind. -- Kurt Vonnegut

              by Cali Scribe on Tue Aug 27, 2013 at 12:21:00 AM PDT

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        •  I'm sorry... (3+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          nomandates, PapaChach, RiveroftheWest

          Best wishes to you and your husband.

          •  Thank you for the good wishes (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            RiveroftheWest, SixSixSix

            And there's no need to be sorry.  :)  I'm still here.

            I'm still driving him nuts, me and the dogs.  We're very lucky, even if we do spend a lot of time whistling past graveyards.

            "I speak the truth, not as much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little the more, as I grow older." --Montaigne

            by DrLori on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 08:05:23 PM PDT

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        •  As someone who lives with a chronic illness, (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          RiveroftheWest, PapaChach

          I can see that there are ways in which it is much harder for those who love you. They feel helpless and worried and their future is far more uncertain that with people who are not ill.

          Building Community. Creating Jobs. Donating Art to Community Organizations. Support the Katalogue

          by UnaSpenser on Tue Aug 27, 2013 at 06:07:51 PM PDT

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