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View Diary: Adoption Series Part 1 - Bitter Truths (101 comments)

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  •  Your comment made me wonder (18+ / 0-)

    if my boys had any of these issues at all. The older one's in Arizona and communication has been problematic lately, but the younger one's sitting right here on the couch. So I asked him. He said he hasn't even thought about it in a long time, and he doesn't feel adopted. It never occurred to me to appreciate how well things turned out with this aspect of our family. It has now.

    One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain -Bob Marley

    by Darwinian Detritus on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 09:32:46 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  A wee bit oversimplified, maybe? (0+ / 0-)

      My adoptive parents went to their graves without knowing how either of us felt about our circumstances. They never even knew we were searching for our natural families. We never shared squat with them. Many adoptees don't.

      You're also not taking into account that many of us experience issues not only to different degrees, but at different times in our life. For many of us, issues are triggered by significant life events: Puberty, marriage, childbirth, death of a loved one, significant loss, etc. To claim your children aren't affected is misleading--since being "unaffected" today doesn't mean they'll be "unaffected" 10 years down the road.

      Also, who would expect a young person to identify or articulate how issues related to something as personal and complex as adoption impact his or her experience? Most adoptees share common issues with identity, attachment, trust, esteem, but they manifest differently--in some way subtle, in some ways not--throughout our lives. And identifying and associating certain behaviors with their causes is beyond most of us, even for the brightest and most self-aware adults.

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