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View Diary: Adoption Series Part 1 - Bitter Truths (101 comments)

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  •  thank you for sharing this... (8+ / 0-)

    my heart goes out to you.

    as an adopted person, i have struggled with my identity since childhood. i didn't care for the 'specially chosen' label, but when i saw, even as a young child, that they were closed-minded, hypocritical bigots, well, i DID feel like i was different...and very alone.

    they desperately wanted kids to love, which they did (almost too much?-a smothering, suffocating thing sometimes). i don't begrudge them that. in fact, sometimes i feel sorry for them, that they didn't get what they wanted in me. they did in my brother (also adopted), but he died a few years ago.

    i am so sorry for thei was the problem child who wanted to know my history, my birthfamily. somehow this was a betrayal to them. she would often give me newspaper clippings, telling the story of an adoptee who meets her biofamily, only to find how horribly fucked up they were...or one who writes of having no desire to look for their family (a feeling shared by my brother..'why don't you feel like he does?').

    so now they're elderly, with growing health issues, and just as stubbornly republican as ever. with my brother gone, i had to move back to my hometown to help them.
    the distance between us is sometimes greater than when i lived hundreds of miles away. she sometimes looks wistful when she sees the connection between my son and me: his eyes/my eyes, our shared humor and intelligence, and so on.

    i love them, but i so wish i liked them. sure they feel the same way.

    'i know what it's like to be dead. i know what it is to be sad.'-jpgr

    by shesaid on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 10:22:11 AM PDT

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