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View Diary: Feminism: a few thoughts (and a request!) from a guy's perspective (201 comments)

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  •  Karmsy (4+ / 0-)

    Is the suggestion that a "fear of commitment" arises (historically) when, given less of a pressure to marry, women are more able to be equals in relationships?  Is that the upshot?

    •  That was Hite's conclusion. Yes. (5+ / 0-)

      The less-committed partner in a relationship has the upper hand. Men's "fear of commitment" wasn't even colloquially acknowledged until 1980 or so, when feminist gains had really gained a toehold in society. Hite went on to provide several shocking comments by male respondents to her survey, betraying a deep hostility towards "independent, liberated" women, I guess to justify their own "fear of commitment" in intimate relationships.

      A personal note: Around this time, in the 80s and early 90s, we saw that ghastly self-help best-seller for women in troubled relationships, "Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change," all about women's supposed need to "let go of trying to control men" for their personal happiness. Around this time, too, we saw the hit movie, "Fatal Attraction," about an independent, successful--and totally psychopathic--career woman. (The movie fed on, and nourished, deep 1980s misgivings about women who defied traditional gender-role expectations in any way.)

      I had very little coming into my life to counter input like this. You could say I was one very confused person.

      It's here they got the range/ and the machinery for change/ and it's here they got the spiritual thirst. --Leonard Cohen

      by karmsy on Mon Jun 02, 2014 at 04:50:51 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  A lot there to digest. (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        karmsy, LSophia, CroneWit

        But some very provocative stuff.  Unless she can be "locked up" in marriage, a trend emerges where (some!) guys become noncommittal, fence-sitters.  And around the same time there are films -- if I recall correctly "Fatal Attraction" was followed by other flicks with the same image of the "Dangerous (Career) Woman" -- about women being dangerous to men.

        As for the book, I seem to remember hearing about that.  Anything with a title like that immediately puts me off, even though there seems to be a cottage industry for it...it's kind of perverse.  The title alone seems to cast (to construct) women, SOME women, as weak and needy and subaltern.  

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