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View Diary: Dear Mr. President - My Letter to the POTUS (146 comments)

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  •  Two brief comments (none)
    from an editor who just can't seem to stop editing. My mother says she doesn't know how anyone lives with me. I'm constantly correcting the grammar of people on television, and I would never vote for someone whose yard sign said, "Elect So-and-So for Mayor." You elect someone mayor, not FOR mayor. You vote for someone FOR mayor. I hate that. But I digress.

    Change "sprung" to "sprang,"  and in your wonderful little fantasy (Oh, how I wish. Reminds me of the old guy drowning in a hurricane and you're a photographer with a chance to either save him or take the photo joke), change "water which would claim your life" to "water THAT would SAVE your life."

    You're dehydrated, but you can't drink the water that would save your life.

    Please don't take this the wrong way. I think your letter is brilliant -- heartfelt and affecting. I agree you should send it to a newspaper.

    •  Actually (none)
      As a former editor, personally I think "water THAT would claim your life" is better than "water THAT would SAVE your life" because the first phrase points out the irony of the situation: Water is known as the "giver of life" because it is essential for all living things and is especially needed by those faced with death by dehydration. Instead, this water Rena writes about is undrinkable and will instead (hypothetically) drown the subject and thus most likely take his life.

      Signature goes here.

      by lalawguy on Wed Aug 31, 2005 at 12:28:39 PM PDT

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      •  I know what you're trying to say (none)
        but it's a stretch.

        Why would you WANT to drink the water that would CLAIM your life? You want to drink the water that would SAVE your life, but you know you can't because ultimately, it would be very bad for you.

        The whole scenario is someone desperately wanting to do something and being unable to. Thus, save your life.

    •  :-D (none)
      Heh.  Thanks to you both.  I'm not a writer, so that's actually really helpful!!  If somewhat confusing.

      The revolution is coming... and we ARE the revolution. 65W40S

      by RenaRF on Wed Aug 31, 2005 at 01:31:01 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  The hell you aren't ! {n/t} (none)

        "It's not that I hate my country; it's that I love my country so much I can't stand to watch what it's doing to itself." --Walt Whitman

        by grndrush on Wed Aug 31, 2005 at 11:43:11 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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