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View Diary: Have a Republican Easter (186 comments)

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  •  For God Fearing Fundamentalist Baptist Parents (1+ / 0-)
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    valadon

    Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer's Testicles? The Truth About Easter Eggs

    The book teaches parents how to easily explain to their children that Easter (as it is celebrated by the Unsaved) has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus Christ but is actually a holiday celebrating lewd and sexually explicit pagan rituals of fertility.  "It's not that difficult to understand," says Author/Creation Scientist, Dr. Daniel Cameroon. "In the old days, deluded pagans would gather round and hump like bunnies on Easter Sunday because they thought it would make their tomatoes grow faster."  Dr. Cameroon explains that it doesn't matter what god or idol the Pagans were humping under on Easter Sunday, because any god other than "Jesus" is "Satan."  Dr. Cameroon dedicates four chapters in the book to Easter Eggs.  "Easter Eggs are one of the wiliest tools of the Devil," he says. "Pagan kids didn't have anything to do on Easter Sunday because their mommies and daddies were stuck in a false temple all day, naked and writhing around with their neighbors in Satanic orgies of the flesh.  You see, parents had to come up with a way to occupy their children while they were away from home, praying and fornicating under the altar of Satan.  And since they didn't have babysitters back then, they gave their kids eggs to play with and sometimes paint," he says. "But the reason they chose eggs had nothing to do with any sort of fertility or fertilizers (as some misguided Christian historians would have you believe).  Nope, it was because of Lucifer's testicles! Glory to God!  And I won't say a word more about it!  I don't want to ruin the book for you!"

    LOL!      (;~P)

    "These old Wall Street boys are putting up an awful fight to keep the government from putting a cop on their corner." - Will Rogers

    by Lefty Coaster on Sun Apr 04, 2010 at 09:07:43 AM PDT

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