Last night, Stephen Colbert showed how ghoulish Fox News's Eric Bolling is.
Video below the fold.
Tonight's Smile File, Ariel Castro. (shocked audience laughter)
Now folks, you might be saying, "Stephen, Ariel Castro is a vile monster whose suicide this week is just the dark end to a dark life. How can anything associated with that man possibly make me smile?" That's what I thought. Until I tuned in to Fox News's "The Five", starring Eric Bolling, who always sees the glass as half full.ERIC BOLLING (9/4/2013): Ariel Castro, the pedophile piece of you-know-what who held three girls captive in Cleveland for a decade was convicted and sentenced to life plus 1,000 years behind bars. Last night, the coward hung himself, far short of the 1,000 years. He served 33 days, to be exact. Think about that, folks. Think about how many taxpayer dollars we saved. ... Here's the math on the white board. OK, first of all, Ariel Castro, 53 years old, life expectancy of 79 years old, $30,000 a year to house him in a federal penitentiary, that's $780,000 taxpayer dollars we save by him hanging himself.(confused audience reaction)
That's a good point. No, that's a good point. Justice is expensive. I mean, imagine how much we could've saved if we never caught him! And folks, the Bolling Sunshine Express did not end at Castro and a playful cartoon of the noose.
No, Bolling had a way to save America even more money.ERIC BOLLING (9/4/2013): How about Gitmo? $903,000 per year, per Gitmo detainee. That's $150,000,000 bucks a year we would save in Gitmo if they all just think about doing the same thing.(shocked audience reaction)
Yes! Thank you! I mean, would it kill those Gitmo detainees to kill themselves? I mean, and for Pete's sake, what are they waiting for? Charges? And if you look at his white board, Bolling's already got some suggestions about who should take the next exit ramp to Dirt Nap City.
He's got Nidal Hasan, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and @EricBolling?
Oh God! Oh God, don't do it, Eric! You've got so much to live for! Nothing's coming to me now, but one imagines. (audience cheering and applause) You see, the people are clapping for you, Eric, like Tinkerbell. Like Tinkerbell with a gun in her mouth.
But folks, Bolling really got me — I want to say — thinking? The country could save so much more money if, like Eric Bolling, we're willing to put a price tag on human life. So I say forget prisons, let's talk about the suicidal elephant in the room: Social Security. (groaning audience laughter)
At $815 billion dollars a year, Pee-Pop, it's time to smear the stairs with some of that pudding, and just slip gently into that good night. (shocked audience laughter)
And, if any of you freeloaders out there need some inspiration, just turn on "The Five". 'Cause every time I watch Eric Bolling, I want to kill myself. (wild audience laughter and applause)