I don't watch Morning Joe. I hate the phoniness, the condescension, the Beltway back patting, the gender stereotyping, the Stockholm Syndrome stare of co-hostess Mika, and the fact that Joe blacklisted our honored site owner for daring to mention Joe's own rather compelling "intern problem."

But like many of those here, I made a point to tune in this morning. It was rough going at first. The Cone of Silence had been placed over the Romney story. Instead I was subjected first to the infuriating bloviating of Jeff Greenfield (who used to be funny when he wrote for National Lampoon - Dude, what happened?) who claimed that Al Gore would have invaded Iraq. Next up the unctuous smugness of Jeffrey Toobin waxing poetic about his man crush on Chief Justice Roberts and sneering about how President Obama doesn't even attempt to nominate Federal judges (with no mention of how accepting such a nomination in the face of certain filibuster would probably end one's legal career).

But I went through some deep breathing and a mantra or two and my perseverance in the face of idiocy was amply rewarded. Evidence to be found below the orange pubic hair cluster.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Rough Transcript:

The problem with this video is that I'm one of the conservatives, I've been pushing Romney, you know for the past several weeks: "Start saying something, tell us what you believe in, be more ideological." What disturbs me and disconnects me from THAT candidate, is the fact: I believe conservative policies help 100% of Americans, I don't believe it helps the 1%. I really do believe that you don't help the waiters and waitresses that want to get a better job by raising taxes on... job creators, I just believe it.

NOW MAYBE I'M WRONG. MAYBE I'M STUPID, MAYBE I'M SHORTSIGHTED, MAYBE HISTORY PROVES THAT I AM WRONG. AND, AND WHO KNOWS...MAYBE UM, UHHH, LEFT WING ECONOMISTS LIKE PAUL KRUGMAN ARE RIGHT, THEY COULD BE. But I believe in my heart of hearts that the way you help those waiters go to college, go to tech school, and create a better life for themselves is to get the Federal Government off the backs of business owners, cutting taxes, cutting regulations, less spending in Washington...I don't look at those 47% as victims. I look at them as people I want to help, and by the way for the record there's a reason why I get like 75% of the votes of people making under $50K/year, I would give a conservative message but I wasn't aimed at the one percent, the one percent can take care of themselves. That's not the Romney that we're seeing there, that's not the conservative, that DOES sound like a plutocrat, that does sound like Thurston Howell III.

Just wanted to share that with the broader DKos family of fellow moochers, freeloaders, house occupiers and food lovers who make life so unbearable for the ultra wealthy. Enjoy. Play it back a few times. Feast your ears and eyes. Or avert them. Whichever best suits you.

You're welcome.


Best Extemporaneous Morning TV Speech since...

11%8 votes
4%3 votes
23%16 votes
8%6 votes
23%16 votes
28%20 votes

| 69 votes | Vote | Results

Your Email has been sent.