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Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President of the National Rifle Association (NRA), speaks during a news conference in Washington December 21, 2012. NRA, the powerful U.S. gun rights lobby, went on the offensive on Friday arguing that schools should have ar
These innocent children just came to play a baseball game, sure. But how many games have they watched on television where players get into fights and clear the benches? How many times have they seen managers and coaches get into screaming matches with umpires? How many times have they seen fans go crazy and start throwing hot dogs and cat calling? These are the real causes of violence, not gun owners.

Now I do feel it is terrible that an angry player came to the game and killed 12 parents and 39 children over a dispute about who would get to play shortstop. While this boy's parents were responsible gun owners up to this point, nobody could have predicted he would use his dad's semiautomatic anti-personnel assault rifle with banana clip ammunition on actual personnel. If he didn't have that weapon, he could have killed equally as many people with a Swiss Army knife. Or perhaps a rolled up newspaper. There is no way to prevent crazy people from getting weapons.

But why blame sane, responsible gun owners? Its not our fault! Look at me. I haven't shot anybody. Yet. So please, put the blame where it belongs: little league baseball team sponsors and Major League Baseball. And also parents. And lets not forget, the only way you stop a crazy homicidal nutcase is with another crazy homicidal nutcase. And that is why, on behalf of the NRA, I am calling for armed umpires at every little league game, outfitted with full body armor and fully automatic machine guns. The same applies to coaches. I also call on responsible parents to get their concealed carry licenses to make sure that little league disputes between parents are resolved without violent incident. Because if there is anything we know prevents violence, it is more weapons. Thank you.

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