The reports are still coming in, but we have reason to believe that there is a potential terrorist threat scheduled for tonight in the United States!

As we have been warned for years, The only way to stop terrorists is to maintain large stocks of weapons and to vigilantly protect against any and all threats!

(News on the flip.)

I Understand that NORAD has just called a press conference, and I'm linking to the Live feed right now.

Shocking, isn't it!  The thought that somebody could consider attacking American Airspace...

WAIT!  Wait, I'm just getting a report that there has been a subject taken into custody!
Well, the good news is that we will ensure that this man will reveal the extent of his plot!

Truly terrifying.  Well, at least we can all sleep soundly knowing that the government is around to defend our rights against such horrifying criminals who disseminate terrorist products like Video Games! (Just like the NRA has always warned us!)  Wait, wait, you're telling me that the NRA actually MADE video games????  Oh wait, nobody bought them because they really, really sucked.

I guess if One has to come right down to it... there's really no comparison.  I mean, we had 3,000 dead and we felt the need to turn our airlines into an armed camp.  Even though the odds of dying to a "Terrorist Attack" are roughly... uhm.   1 in 1.7 million.  

Well, it can't be that bad, I mean, what are the odds of dying to a gunshot?  More likely than dying in a Car Crash?   Well, not YET...  Besides, it's only 85 a day...

The logical conclusion, to judge from the track record of the US, Is to set up SAM sites at every point at which an aircraft could enter US airspace.  That would help solve the jobs crisis by giving jobs to defense contractors, and would be a part of the defense budget, so nobody could ever cut it.

Or, you know, we could get rid of the guns, but let's not be SILLY.

Your Email has been sent.